My partner is concerned that I’m going to suddenly start being attracted to men once I start on the trans-mission fluid. Apparently she keeps reading Reddit posts about people who’s sexual orientation changes after they start hormones. How common is this? I can’t personally think of a word in which I would be attracted to men. Honestly it kinda crosses me out. I did go through a period where I decided to see if I was bisexual and slept with a couple of dudes, but I found the experience really off-putting. Have any of you ladies experienced a switch in sexual orientation? If so, from what to what?
Pretty sure that only happens if you repress. I honestly have the exact same preferences
It’s not quite as simple as “It’s repression”. That’s no more universally true than “hormones did it”
My orientation didn’t change (I was bi before and bi after), but my experience of sexual attraction changed dramatically, I went from not being capable of much attraction to men to very obvious / overt attraction to men.
I knew I was theoretically bi and not fully straight before I transitioned, but there was never a time that I saw a boy or man and felt sexually attracted to them. I never had a crush on a boy or man, etc. and I would never actually want to have sex with men, etc. - so I was a 1 on the Kinsey scale (predominantly attracted to the opposite sex, women, only incidentally attracted to men) before I transitioned (this assumes I was “heterosexual” by being attracted to women, though my experience before I transitioned was as though I was a kind of lesbian, so … I don’t know, I just call it opposite sex because that’s what everyone else saw - I don’t mean it to represent more than that).
After many months on estrogen, I started to be able to see men in a completely different way, and could feel sexual attraction to men similarly to the way I could feel attraction to random women. I remember in particular walking onto a plane and walking down the aisle and looking up and seeing an attractive man and feeling that flush of sexual feeling / attraction and realizing: oh, that’s never happened before.
I don’t think this was a psychological shift due to being more open due to transitioning or anything, this was a biological change due to the hormones. I had lived as a woman for months before I started estrogen, and I experienced plenty of psychological changes and opening up during that time, but increased attraction to men didn’t happen until many months on estrogen.
Not everyone experiences this, by the way, and it’s impossible to know for sure how you will feel - but my understanding is the hormones don’t change your sexual orientation, even if they might balance or alter sexual attraction. I’m much more bisexual now, and my attraction to women also diminished over time such that I have more equal physical attraction to both sexes. Regardless, I only have romantic interest in women and would never date a man, lol.
Either way, you can’t control whether you start to feel physical attraction to men, but you can control staying with your partner, and you are already capable of being attracted to other people than your partner and it will be no different after HRT. I’ve never heard of someone’s sexuality entirely reversing, i.e. starting off attracted to women and then becoming exclusively attracted to men - I’m pretty confident that’s not possible, even if it is possible for incidentally bisexual women like me to become … more bisexual.
I think I would be considered more gynosexual. But I’ve only been romantically attracted to feminine minds. And physically attracted to feminine features which is heightened by a feminine smell. I can actually tell when a woman is pregnant by the effect their smell has on me.
You just don’t know what it will be like … a lot of my attraction to women shifted over time … it turns out being a repressed woman made me react to women with a kind of obsessive reverence that diminished once I became a woman - but the changes were not a complete reversal into only wanting to date men …
I know some trans women feel more like women when they date straight men, and that’s a real psychology, but even though I’m bi and now attracted to men, and I would feel validation as a woman by dating a straight man, I still wouldn’t do that (even if I were single).
Like you I just love and trust women, I could see sex with men but a relationship would probably be harder to make happen. Even with my most sensitive queer male friends I struggle in the friendship in ways I don’t with women - I’m just not cut out to date men, I want too much emotional intimacy and feel too much like a lesbian if that makes sense 😅
Anyway, you should talk to your partner, getting lost about the details of sexuality changes on HRT misses the most important part, which is that they are feeling vulnerable and insecure, and reminding them that you will love them regardless of how your sexuality shifts could be helpful.
edit: (and in my experience, you might feel vulnerable and scared of losing her, too, as you transition - my partner is pan and very supportive of my transition, but I still felt scared and vulnerable when I transitioned, they are huge changes and it makes sense both people might worry the relationship could be impacted or romantic interest might not be the same as it was, etc. - I certainly became a very different sexual partner, but in the end it worked for my spouse and she is very happy with my transition)
edit2: also might be worth exploring why it matters to your partner whether you experience attraction to men, I keep forgetting how common it is for cis straight people to have misconceptions about gender and sexuality, she might fear your gender stuff is actually repressed homosexuality, it’s also possible she doesn’t believe bisexuality is real and that if you experience attraction to men that you will really be a gay man rather than a bi woman - might be worth getting clarity on what the beliefs and concerns are on her end.
She’s bisexual. But she’s been spending too much time on Reddit. I wouldn’t say I look at women with any sort of reverence. More a sort of insatiable hunger. A bit like the way a fat kid looks at an all-you-can-eat cake buffet.
honestly that sounds a bit dismissive, reddit isn’t the problem here, you should talk to her about what her actual fears and concerns are - she’s seeking our reddit content to confirm her fears and it might help to talk to her and reassure her
also couples counseling is a good idea, it helps create space for discussing and exploring these kinds of things which helps
and yeah, I doubt your attraction to women will disappear with estrogen, even if I think you should be prepared for the possibility of changes to the way you experience that attraction
estrogen made me much less receptive to visuals and more turned on by context, if that makes sense
That makes sense. Thanks
I think this is a really wonderful way of putting it- it’s very much in line with my experience too. I did start off as bi though, specifically in regards to femboys. I still don’t find myself romantically attracted to men, but it’s become somewhat common for me to see certain men and be caught off guard with an “oh fuck, that guy is hot 🥵” feeling like I have with women. I’m still not necessarily in a spot where I want to be sexually active with men, but the attraction is there.
HRT won’t fundamentally change your sexuality. It may uncover something that you have had repressed, but if you are very confident about your sexuality right now, this is unlikely. I was bi before HRT and I am still bi now.
That’s what I figured. She’s been reading a bunch of stories on Reddit about people who transition and then just suddenly aren’t attracted to their partners anymore because they’re suddenly gay or suddenly straight. But tbh, I’m 90% sure at least half the stuff on Reddit is completely made up.
I’m assuming you meant partner instead of parents hahahaha
Lol. Yes
Hey! I wanted to weigh in about this because I did experience what others might call “increased attraction to men”. I was already dabbling and at least bi, but hetero romantic. always was with women but this change deliberately coincided with me trying out men and being more comfortable with being pansexual. I’m still with my wife, find her even more attractive because she still loves me and supports me! but i do enjoy men a lot more now too, but i think that was always there and i was repressing it to fit social expectations. that changed with HRT because i was subverting multiple expectations at the same time, like i gave up trying to mask.
I’m not really into masking. It’s not really necessary seeing as about half my family is either pan or bi.
Yeah, it’s possible that your orientation might “change”. People that do experience a change typically experience an expansion in the people they’re attracted to, rather than a shift in a different direction. That being said, some people have experienced a shift in orientation, rather than an expansion, but it’s very uncommon. And even when it does happen, you don’t magically fall out of love with your partner
Now, the caveats. It’s not simply hormones. Hormones could play a part, but self perception, self confidence and shedding of denial are also things at play. So you almost certainly won’t find your orientation shifts just because you start taking HRT.
My own personal experience? My orientation “shifted”, but also, not really… I’d spent my life dating women, but my attraction to them was always different to other folk. On the other hand, I had never experienced attraction to men, nor do I really have any memories of moments of clear denial of attraction to men. So I don’t know whether my own experience was one of coming out of denial, or genuine change.
I’m still mostly sexually attracted to men, but I can be romantically attracted to anyone, and honestly, I value romantic attraction far more than I value sexual attraction, so I have mostly still dated women since I transitioned. My one time dating a guy, I felt like I had stepped out of one closet in transitioning, only to step in to another one when my queerness became invisible to people.
My relationships with women aren’t very sexual (they never have been), but they’re very intimate (they always have been), and that part hasn’t changed with my transition, but my own understanding of my personal experience has shifted.
My relationships with women have always been intensely sexual. I fall firmly in the category of hypersexual I’m also an extremely tactile person generally. As far as men go I only really find them attractive if they are almost indistinguishable from women in appearance and even then I’m pretty sure the smell would put me off. Im pretty sure the smell thing is hormonal though, because pregnant women drive me absolutely insane, but only if I’m in the same room as them. Otherwise there’s no difference in attractiveness.
As far as men go, I just don’t experience any attraction outside of a few femboys. But even then the smell isn’t right.
I’ve been on HRT 1 year, and haven’t yet felt any interest in men. I don’t think changes in orientation are a thing, at least I haven’t experienced it.
I’m MTF, on hrt for 8 years now. Pre hormones I considered myself straight with exceptions. These days I consider myself pansexual, though most of my relationships have been with other trans women. Most of this change for me was being more open and honest with myself. I was never really straight, I had exceptions to that. I just realized they weren’t exceptions, but just the type of men I liked. Hormones might have enhanced that feeling a little, but I wouldn’t expect it to just flip a switch and make you like men if you feel like you don’t. For me a big indicator to me that I was trans was that I fell in love with a straight man, and it hurt that I wouldn’t work for him. As with everything with hrt your experience will vary. if you’ve tryed being with men and found it off-putting, that cooooould change but most likely not.
I’ve never really tried to pigeon-hole myself as straight. I just like a feminine mind attached to feminine secondary sex characteristics (specifically hips thighs and ass). Also girl stink is like Viagra with a crack chaser. If I smell a woman’s stinky pits I loose my fucking mind. I fully expect my more animalistic urges to diminish though.
The lack of testosterone seems to have reduced my distaste for some masculine physical traits I will admit, but overall it hasn’t changed that I’m primarily attracted to women, especially sexually. But I’ve been out as pansexual for a long time with a strong lean towards women and non-binary people.
The thing that has skewed me away from men and penises on others has mostly been my dislike of anal sex. Now that I have a vagina, that’s not as big of a concern, though still not driving me to wanting penetration. And I still don’t really like lots of facial, chest, or back hair and some other masculine traits, but those are as much socially driven as physically. I mean cis-women have facial and body hair, just less of it and social pressure means women often remove it.
So, I think if its that almost instinctual repulsion to same gender people that some people have, then that might mellow out. But I think, anecdotally, that that feeling is more socially driven and learned than biological as is commonly thought. Otherwise, homosexual behavior in cis-men who are otherwise “straight” wouldn’t be as common (recent news topic about a very powerful person possibly very relevant there, lol). Just my opinion as someone who is pansexual and agender and so hasn’t experienced that stuff outside of social conditioning which took a long time to break and was long before HRT.
It’s not really a repulsion towards men so much as masculinity and masculine features. Some super effeminate femboys can be attractive, but it’s always because of their femininity. Basically if you take a scale of most masculine to most feminine and apply all men to it I’d find the most feminine 0.05% attractive. Whereas it’s probably only the least feminine 0.05% of women that I don’t find attractive.
I was not attracted to men before. Now, I am still not attracted to men. I do find myself understanding the appeal more now, if that makes sense.
That’s what I am hoping for. I would be weirded out if I suddenly started finding men attractive.
My (30m) SO (29f) started liking girls a lot more after starting E. We have found ways to enjoy it. She isn’t turned off to men entirely, she just has a strong preference that wasn’t there before. Communication and care will go a long way with making you both happy, and you will be a different person, mentally, when Estrogen or Testosterone start making some descissions in your brain that you didn’t realize the previous dominant hormone was making before.
Did she go from hetro leaning bi to lesbian leaning bi or straight to lesbian? Because the way I feel now, i genuinely can’t picture a universe in which I find men attractive. And NGL, I’m looking forward to a lot of hot lesbian sex.
Pan to pan with a female preference.
