It can be super small in a way most people don’t understand or have lost touch with. Or anything bigger. The important thing is that it means something to you.
I deal with disabilities. For me being alive and managing basic tasks is something I try to feel pride in. Being here to enjoy watching people around me do things for fun can be a nice feeling. Last night in my dream I painted my nails and I felt pride in my dream. I woke up feeling proud that I have still have that creative instinct after last painting them once maybe 7 years ago. I feel proud of art I dream of. Just because I don’t draw it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist in my mind, temporarily in my thoughts. I was there before something brilliant my mind had created, and it meant a lot to me.
Watching Guillermo del Toro’s 2025 movie Frankenstein made me realize we are all frankensteins who should be proud of our every ability, however limited it is huge that we are alive, and furthermore impressive that we have instincts to live beautifully in any way.
The past few years I’ve been struggling a lot and isolating myself. I sometimes spent weeks without even going outside and developed intense social anxiety. A little over a month ago I had a health scare where my diabetes meds weren’t working anymore and blood sugar got so high I had to go to the hospital. After that I totally changed my lifestyle and started going for long walks everyday and doing some workout at home. My mental health is much better and my blood sugar level dropped to a normal level. I feel more energy and stamina than I did in years. It did take a health crisis, but I’m proud I made such a change. I wouldn’t have thought it possible few months ago.
I totally understand crisises driving us to make changes. Blood sugar issues seem so difficult to manage, I’m always awestruck when people maintain it just enough to not be in crisis. I barely know anything about diabetes, but I understand the socially anxious, sedentary, indoor lifestyle because I live it for the most part. I just exercised outside for the first time in months and it was a huge change. Discomfort from workout soreness is pretty sweet. It’s comforting discomfort and I don’t want to live without it. I don’t do this many times a year. While in crisis or not, I hope I do it more.