I would not go so far as to say shared political beliefs are orthogonal to being a good friend but there are so, so many things that go into the cocktail of making someone pleasant to be around that I do often wonder whether I drastically overrate the importance of politics in friendships.

It’s different when it’s your own etnicity being projected on, and you’te seen as a “neutral/good one” or “a dangerous/evil one” based on if you’re racist towards your own race along with them or not.

I knew a person who seemed okay with the topic of socialism, then they spoke negatively about my people’s country. Later they hurt me in a way I won’t mention.

So I drew a boundary. My people have some socialism in their history, so of course we are demonized. I can’t afford to be close friends with people who demonize the country of my people because that’s evidence they may see me as the “good insert my ethnicity.” Especially because I don’t want to be at a higher level of risk of being around people who are sexually attracted to me simply because they fetishize my people because they, as evidence, don’t fully respect me as a insert my ethnicity person. As someone said about being racistly removed from an event’s cast, they “stripped me of my humanity and agency, reducing me to an object onto which others can project their racist fears and smears.” I cannot sit there forever waiting to be approved by people close to me. They have racist bully shit to say about my people’s country without it being a genuinely open question, I don’t want to be super close to them. Although I will always run into and befriend some people who may be racist to me, it is a still a way I don’t want to try to turn bullies into close friends.

I’m so sick and tired of tiptoeing around the topic of my people. I’m not totally sure what other boundaries I need to set. I worry openly saying positive, nonracist things about my people will get me attacked verbally, emotionally, mentally, amd maybe and in other ways.