Yeah, just found out today from him. Dunno what to think.

  • Flyberius [comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    9·
    2 days ago

    Just want you to know that of all the hexbearers out there I’ve always considered you the most real to me. Whatever that actually means, I hope you are ok.

      • WhatDoYouMeanPodcast [comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        11·
        2 days ago

        I think about Alan Watts when he talks about how wanting to be rid of the situation is part of the pain. Like the blister after touching a hot stove, the waiting is part of the grief.

        Perhaps it’s what people meant when they say “it’s okay to not be okay”. Because there’s no trick to the pain and you have your own way of grieving. It always finds you, either now or walking down a sunny street on a beautiful day

  • Camden28 [any, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    8·
    2 days ago

    My dad is also a… problematic person. I don’t know what to say at times like this, but I can at least relate what worked for me: When my dad was hospitalized with a terminal condition, I went into a daze and wrote out a three page speech to give at his funeral that included some of the most awful things he’d done. I didn’t know if I would read it, but I wrote it. A few days later while he was still hanging on (but supposedly 30 pounds lighter in just two weeks of hospital care), I rewrote the speech shorter, but kept several issues intact. Then he didn’t die. His personality remains the same as before the scare, but he’s frail now. I still have the ‘remembrance’ I wrote, and it no longer matters if I read it because I took the time to write it out and I’ll always have to share and grieve over even if I don’t make it a public spectacle.

    tl;dr: consider writing something for his funeral now – ‘just in case’ – so you won’t be stuck trying to figure out what to say if/when things get chaotic.

  • AssortedBiscuits [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    3·
    1 day ago

    This is the time for him to write his will/living trust and take serious steps towards planning his funeral and final resting place. Not an “I want to be buried in a hole in the ground,” but actually picking the mortuary, buying the graveyard plot, and selecting the gravestone design that will be used should he pass away.

    If he is the sole living partner, he also needs to begin handing out things not covered by his will/living trust to remaining family and friends. “Here son, take my fishing rod. It’s yours now.” For the sake of his soon-to-be-grieving-should-the-cancer-proves-to-be-terminal family and friends, he also needs to get rid of his useless junk. He needs to get rid of that stool that he kept around for no reason instead of having family and friends argue over whether they should get rid of the stool because since he hasn’t gotten rid of the stool, this stool obviously has great sentimental value to him.

    He shouldn’t wait until he has terminal cancer before going, “Welp, I’m gonna die. Time to settle my affairs.” He’s going to die anyways just like how we’re all going to die as well. If the cancer becomes that advance, he’s going to be very weak and in constant pain, perhaps not even mentally competent enough to make important decisions. And even if he does beat cancer, he’s going to be frailer than he is right now on top of being weaker due to being older.

    However, everything I’ve read about him from you paints him as a typical boomer dude. I do not think he will take my advice to heart. Most likely, he will deny that he is very close to the edge between life and death and has to be dragged kicking and screaming to seriously reckon with his mortality and take appropriate actions.