Poor performance, not hitting any KPI’s this quarter we’re gonna have to circle back offline and create a slide deck to share with senior stakeholders explaining why we haven’t met our targets and why our NPS score is in the toilet.

This isn’t a good look for our team and as a result we will have more team building exercises as punishment.

Check your diaries I’ve booked a 10 hour retro with no breaks so we can go over what we can improve for the next quarter where ill take no actions on anything discussed and put tickets in our backlog for the next quarter for the next planning meeting. I dont want to hear any complaints about not being provided a keyboard reduces output we dont have budget for keyboards.

Dort_Owl is being put on a performance plan.

I’ve taken the privilege of setting you all development goals on how we can use AI to increase badposting output I expect 10x posters to become 100x posters we need to ship or I’ll have you all replaced with offshore hamsters