Even though the roots of the word seem to stem from transphobic culture and pseudoscience, it was nice to be able to verbalize and better conceptualize the specific emotions that I had been feeling ever since I realized that my long suffering may have been caused by gender dysphoria: I could finally, for the first time in my life, feel a slight… Tingling? Infatuation? Just by imagining, envisioning, that someday I will attain a female body makes me feel lighter inside. I don’t have to hate myself, my body, my gender expressions. And, on top of all this newly found freedom, I feel sexually viable. As a potential partner to others, as somebody that people can actually desire. It’s an effect of the euphoria, of the realization that I can be something, or someone, else than what this ciscentric society has forced upon me.
Just venting thoughts and feelings that I cannot vent anywhere else. No need to reply! ☺️
I am a trans guy, not mtf, but wanted to add: “autogynephilia”, aka “finding yourself attractive as a woman”, is also experienced by cis women, at about the same rate as in trans women.
Also, finding yourself attractive is very common in general, with cis and trans men reporting feeling autoandrophilia. Not sure about levels and experiences of intersex or nonbinary people, as unfortunately studies don’t include those groups.
Here is a quick source, but there have been a number of studies on this over the years, all showing that this experience is very normal in humans: https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/02/10/autogenderphilia-is-common-and-not-especially-related-to-transgender/
This kept me in the closet for way too long and I’m fucking angry about it. Because I spent my life feeling an all-encompassing void of self-hatred having to do with the way I look, my body, my face etc. When I finally let myself experiment with presenting femme that self-hatred melted away. I didn’t suddenly get hot, i didn’t suddenly get fuckable, but I’m capable of self-care and self-love and self-respect for the first time in my life. Making someone feel like that is a perversion is a fucking disgusting thing to do.
Thanks for your comment.
yeah it always seemed weird to me that people hold up being attracted to yourself as some unforgivable perversion. why wouldnt you want to find yourself attractive? talk about a confidence boost.
since i started transitioning ive pretty much exclusively chosen clothes that i think make me look cute, and its been working out great. ive gotten more complements from strangers on one of my favorite dresses in the few months ive had it than i got in 30 years as a man. i was never able to dress well as a man because no matter what i wore i hated it, and i had to be told by others if something looked good on me.
So relatable i might as well have written it myself.