I never considered myself trans back in Türkiye because on media, we only saw non-passing ones or hyperfem ones.
Bülent Ersoy, Gaga Bulut, crossdressers being shown as trans women on TV series, and the one I saw in my city (they transitioned at age 30+ and I clocked her when I was a kid even though I didn’t know much about trans stuff back then)
I just wanted to be like a cis girl with female voice and appearance, and I thought this is impossible. I also searched online but due lack of my English back at age 15, I couldn’t find anything and I had to give up. I had a sui attempt, and after recovery I got traumatized and I promised myself to just ignore all of my issues.
I stopped studying, I stopped everything that I cared about, just watched TV shows (16-18 was covid), was planning to join French foreign legion so I did gymmaxxing, my social anxiety and everything got worse but I was repping so hard, I was even copying and pasting other men’s behaviours to myself to prevent being seen as fem. I was idolising some men I liked. It made me miserable asf.
(French Foreign Legion is extremely conservative, anti-science, and strictly anti-LGBT.)
If I didn’t move to Canada, and talked to a trans woman online, I would be dead due “depression”.
I repped with sertraline until age 18, and I thought it was just “OCD”… Erdoğan fucked my body and life and now I’m the one who has to pay for the damage?!
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i’m actually kinda surprised how there’s not been 5 people yet commenting “oh you’re so young, you have your whole life in front of you, it’s not too late, starting at 18 is not too late, don’t give up” etc… well actually i understand your situation quite well. we think at every moment in our lives (especially when we’re young) that it’s one of the last moments we have. so we panic because we don’t have enough time to fix our mistakes ever. but that is a wise trick of nature to kick our butts and get us moving. better start doing things today because you’re running out of time. so get started with what you think is right to do.
I’m so sorry, I’ve had it pretty easy compared to most, but I definitely feel you. Representation is so important, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for all the cool trans people online, given how closed off I am, without it I wouldn’t have stood a chance, I’ve never been suicidal but I often wonder where I’d be in a couple of years if I wasn’t exposed to the voices of queer people online. A lot of the things I heard about when I was younger were from cis voices, and it really doesn’t do it.
That’s why I feel things like social media bans are going to cause a lot of harm to young queer people, because we just don’t get that kind of representation in traditional media. Contrary though, I do see a lot more trans people in general now (in public), that and with things like the NHS waiting list probably being (at least in part) due to sheer volume, I feel like public representation could be a good substitute (in safe countries), since I (at least hope) we aren’t going back.
I don’t really have much life experience, and am quite literally 3 weeks or so old (since I accepted myself), so I’m not sure my advice will mean much (sorry), but it seems you’re better now than you have been, If you haven’t already (and if you’re in a stable place to do so), start picking up your interests again, find some people to care about (and who care about you!), and try to make the best of what you have.
nya, well for me, hating my country and their media from start works good for me, huuuh awadgss, there are often trans associated with streamer dasha koreyka, also lol i had gay online friend for long…
I was also stupid, I’m accepting my own fault too but Türkiye is a country without legal protections for LGBT people.
IDK, maybe I’m being too hard on myself.
huuuuh, ssri med was worsen my state 100x i now realize, incl mild dysmprphobia, mild ocd
i was never repped, i was actually became agressive to protecct myself from mom, but KNOWING and taking shit they bumping into me is completly wrong from first pill, and i was needed not swallow this trash, protect myself more, be more extreme, and atleast ignore new psychiatrist completly and do protect from mother instead while knowing IS COMPLWTLY WRONG, i actually HAD ability to taper meds safely bettdr than dumbass with medical license…
i was closed into psych prison too, never forget this hell
mother is extremly manipulative person extremly dumb
pharma-vise an self educated young kitty did a ton better than 36 yo “progressive” dumbass with 6+ years of edycation, years of being “doctor”, which doesnt know how to use drugs at all…
i wanna drone attack all them
I still suffer from body image issues, I still think I’m looking like my male version, and just because I finished my puberty with testosterone, I’m never gonna be self-confident again.
I’m getting called “miss” even with my unisex male clothes, not even shaving my arms due depression, and I’m passing but this doesn’t make me happy.
I have zero interest in making female friends anyways. I seriously fucked myself between age 15 to age 18. All the toxic masculinity I internalised just to survive, permanently fucked my brain.
I can’t recognize my childhood. I’m 22, and I still refuse to reconnect with myself.
Please NEVER rep. Being a sex worker in the streets is better than being someone that you’re not…
The reason for joining FFL was my school success got fucked so yeah I had to give up from my dreams…
