I never considered myself trans back in Türkiye because on media, we only saw non-passing ones or hyperfem ones.
Bülent Ersoy, Gaga Bulut, crossdressers being shown as trans women on TV series, and the one I saw in my city (they transitioned at age 30+ and I clocked her when I was a kid even though I didn’t know much about trans stuff back then)
I just wanted to be like a cis girl with female voice and appearance, and I thought this is impossible. I also searched online but due lack of my English back at age 15, I couldn’t find anything and I had to give up. I had a sui attempt, and after recovery I got traumatized and I promised myself to just ignore all of my issues.
I stopped studying, I stopped everything that I cared about, just watched TV shows (16-18 was covid), was planning to join French foreign legion so I did gymmaxxing, my social anxiety and everything got worse but I was repping so hard, I was even copying and pasting other men’s behaviours to myself to prevent being seen as fem. I was idolising some men I liked. It made me miserable asf.
(French Foreign Legion is extremely conservative, anti-science, and strictly anti-LGBT.)
If I didn’t move to Canada, and talked to a trans woman online, I would be dead due “depression”.
I repped with sertraline until age 18, and I thought it was just “OCD”… Erdoğan fucked my body and life and now I’m the one who has to pay for the damage?!
nya, well for me, hating my country and their media from start works good for me, huuuh awadgss, there are often trans associated with streamer dasha koreyka, also lol i had gay online friend for long…
I was also stupid, I’m accepting my own fault too but Türkiye is a country without legal protections for LGBT people.
IDK, maybe I’m being too hard on myself.
huuuuh, ssri med was worsen my state 100x i now realize, incl mild dysmprphobia, mild ocd
i was never repped, i was actually became agressive to protecct myself from mom, but KNOWING and taking shit they bumping into me is completly wrong from first pill, and i was needed not swallow this trash, protect myself more, be more extreme, and atleast ignore new psychiatrist completly and do protect from mother instead while knowing IS COMPLWTLY WRONG, i actually HAD ability to taper meds safely bettdr than dumbass with medical license…
i was closed into psych prison too, never forget this hell
mother is extremly manipulative person extremly dumb
pharma-vise an self educated young kitty did a ton better than 36 yo “progressive” dumbass with 6+ years of edycation, years of being “doctor”, which doesnt know how to use drugs at all…
i wanna drone attack all them