Even worse idk much about codeswitching.
I can tell friends who are girls “I love you” and they take it as friendly. But guys can’t hear this without thinking he’s laid claim to a romantic and/or sexual feelings?
If I reject a girl asking me out with the attitude of a bubbly girl talking to another bubbly girl at a party, and say “I have a bf. But you’re a babe!, You can get another babe!” She’d totally be friendly back about it… But once I said this to a guy who asked me out, and he proceeded to ask me for my number 4 times in less than 10 seconds.
Shit like this puts me in fight or flight mode. I have very little awareness of how or why I have to codeswitch between men and women. My skin is crawling nearly everytime a friend points out to me in retrospect that a guy was actually flirting with me after my only intention was being friends or a friendly neighbor. Yikes. I want to go back in time and yell “Fuck you stop being a creep!” (Ofc, they’d be too creepy to understand why I would say that.)
That said, I love my bf because his fem side makes him chill and understanding if a girl talks to him like he’s another girl. I’m pretty quiet and mostly talk to him, and I have no guy friends. So I’m not learning codeswitching skills by watching him. How do you codeswitch and why do you codeswitch in the exact way(s) you do? I barely go outside, and I’m angry at guys everyday over this over past events I’m creeped out by.
My thing is, you don’t got to be nice to them if they are being a bastard. And honestly if you put hard boundaries it means they are less likely to stick around. Normally guys who do the shit you mention are people fishing for someone with weak boundaries. They want to see if they pressure you enough if you will cave and just go along with it. And eventually it will work. They’ll find someone who was groomed to do that by their parents or a previous partner and boom.
The thing about it is these type of creeps don’t even realize that they are being creeps. They don’t care either. One of the most eye opening things I learns is abusers often think they are the real victims despite every evidence of the contrary.
Its why it’s so important to stick to good healthy boundaries. No means no and all that. Odds are they’ll think you are more trouble then you are worth and go somewhere else. I don’t know if that counts as code switching for you.
Of course if you feel that safety is a issue then you might have do a no thank you. But honestly you still got to be firmed and honestly ACAB but don’t be afraid to threaten to call the cops. Of course I wouldn’t just cause the wife beaters won’t do anything, but if need be you can have a friend who you can call and act like its the cops while they come to help. If it gets that bad.