Even worse idk much about codeswitching.

I can tell friends who are girls “I love you” and they take it as friendly. But guys can’t hear this without thinking he’s laid claim to a romantic and/or sexual feelings?

If I reject a girl asking me out with the attitude of a bubbly girl talking to another bubbly girl at a party, and say “I have a bf. But you’re a babe!, You can get another babe!” She’d totally be friendly back about it… But once I said this to a guy who asked me out, and he proceeded to ask me for my number 4 times in less than 10 seconds.

Shit like this puts me in fight or flight mode. I have very little awareness of how or why I have to codeswitch between men and women. My skin is crawling nearly everytime a friend points out to me in retrospect that a guy was actually flirting with me after my only intention was being friends or a friendly neighbor. Yikes. I want to go back in time and yell “Fuck you stop being a creep!” (Ofc, they’d be too creepy to understand why I would say that.)

That said, I love my bf because his fem side makes him chill and understanding if a girl talks to him like he’s another girl. I’m pretty quiet and mostly talk to him, and I have no guy friends. So I’m not learning codeswitching skills by watching him. How do you codeswitch and why do you codeswitch in the exact way(s) you do? I barely go outside, and I’m angry at guys everyday over this over past events I’m creeped out by.

  • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
    20·
    6 days ago

    OP is one person venting, I would not recommend setting entire behaviour patterns based on such posts.

    It is good to be sensitive, but part of socialising involves making mistakes or even not making mistakes but still sometimes bothering people due to incompatibility or differing expectations. Generally if you are polite and respectful things will go ok. For example if you are complimenting someone and they seem to be getting very excited and showing interest in you and complimenting or teasing you back and you ask if they’d like to meet up/for their number/whatever and they say no or suddenly seem uncomfortable a quick apology and an opportunity for them to excuse themselves like “well it was lovely to meet you and I hope you have a great day” is not likely to bother someone.