Even worse idk much about codeswitching.
I can tell friends who are girls “I love you” and they take it as friendly. But guys can’t hear this without thinking he’s laid claim to a romantic and/or sexual feelings?
If I reject a girl asking me out with the attitude of a bubbly girl talking to another bubbly girl at a party, and say “I have a bf. But you’re a babe!, You can get another babe!” She’d totally be friendly back about it… But once I said this to a guy who asked me out, and he proceeded to ask me for my number 4 times in less than 10 seconds.
Shit like this puts me in fight or flight mode. I have very little awareness of how or why I have to codeswitch between men and women. My skin is crawling nearly everytime a friend points out to me in retrospect that a guy was actually flirting with me after my only intention was being friends or a friendly neighbor. Yikes. I want to go back in time and yell “Fuck you stop being a creep!” (Ofc, they’d be too creepy to understand why I would say that.)
That said, I love my bf because his fem side makes him chill and understanding if a girl talks to him like he’s another girl. I’m pretty quiet and mostly talk to him, and I have no guy friends. So I’m not learning codeswitching skills by watching him. How do you codeswitch and why do you codeswitch in the exact way(s) you do? I barely go outside, and I’m angry at guys everyday over this over past events I’m creeped out by.
They said no such thing tho.
Not literally, word for word, but they clearly meant it. I will not unblock them, go over their post with a fine comb and then point out to you what part of it is doing the usual “your response is irrational and overly emotional in a way that makes me uncomfortable and i think you are in a social position where you have to act more submissive towards me” spiel, you can do that yourself if it bothers you that much when a woman points this out.
Or, instead of doing that, you can ask yourself what it says about site culture when a thread where a woman is venting about her experiences with men inevitably becomes a thread where men whine about how hard they have it under patriarchy.
FWIW I think both of you handled this poorly tbh, you both escalated the argument and assumed bad faith for absolutely no reason, I think people should give more benefit of a doubt with each other here, you’re not talking to some random chud on the street here.
I agree with the “assume the most charitable interpretation possible” stuff from rule 8 for a lot of issues, but the rule was originally written against sectarianism, not with situations like this in mind, and it shows. It’s outright violent towards marginalized comrades when we constantly have to pretend that nobody in leftist spaces could ever be misogynist, racist, transphobic, ableist etc. Hexbear has a problem with all of that, it’s not uncharitable to point that out and we can’t be demanded to constantly compartmentalize ourselves for your convenience when we do that. You guys seriously need to learn what fragile masculinity means because you are fucking prime examples of that. The fact that this thread blew up in such a way 1000% proves my point. You dudes always react with dogpiling women whenever we speak up, it’s always the same shit where you want to talk about nothing but how much patriarchy harms men and i’m sick of that.