Even worse idk much about codeswitching.

I can tell friends who are girls “I love you” and they take it as friendly. But guys can’t hear this without thinking he’s laid claim to a romantic and/or sexual feelings?

If I reject a girl asking me out with the attitude of a bubbly girl talking to another bubbly girl at a party, and say “I have a bf. But you’re a babe!, You can get another babe!” She’d totally be friendly back about it… But once I said this to a guy who asked me out, and he proceeded to ask me for my number 4 times in less than 10 seconds.

Shit like this puts me in fight or flight mode. I have very little awareness of how or why I have to codeswitch between men and women. My skin is crawling nearly everytime a friend points out to me in retrospect that a guy was actually flirting with me after my only intention was being friends or a friendly neighbor. Yikes. I want to go back in time and yell “Fuck you stop being a creep!” (Ofc, they’d be too creepy to understand why I would say that.)

That said, I love my bf because his fem side makes him chill and understanding if a girl talks to him like he’s another girl. I’m pretty quiet and mostly talk to him, and I have no guy friends. So I’m not learning codeswitching skills by watching him. How do you codeswitch and why do you codeswitch in the exact way(s) you do? I barely go outside, and I’m angry at guys everyday over this over past events I’m creeped out by.

  • BanMeFromPosting [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    11·
    2日前

    The patriarchy runs itself and benefits and hurts all genders.
    It is a system of oppression tied to capitalism in order to extract value beyond the walls of the workplace. It also exists without capitalism, but in modern society it has been subsumed by it.
    Just like how patriarchy lessens womens freedom (I forgot the word for ‘ability to do stuff/allowance to act’) and forces them into roles as “homemakers” and mothers, it also forces men into specific roles.

    When I say it benefits all genders, what do I mean?
    Women aren’t taken seriously and are reduced to sexual objects. This also means that women cannot be perpetrators, a perspective we frequently see when a female pedophile gets caught - typically resulting in lower punishments than men.
    Likewise due to their designated roles as breeder and child-raisers, women are typically awarded the majority or totality of maternity leave.
    For some, I assume, the gig of staying at home was nice, just like some men masochistically enjoy being the breadwinner.
    Additionally, since women aren’t taken seriously, they are awarded a much wider range of emotions by society than men are.
    Women aren’t expected to be proactive in the romantic sense, they are to be courted. This seems like something of an enviable position according to the guys I know.

    Looking at this one could say “Wow BanMeFromPosting is an incel chud who thinks women have it good under patriarchy, they’re an MRA-stupidpol user who has infiltrated hexbear!” If one wanted to be a hostile shithead who assumed the worst of people. Because that is very clearly not what is going on. These “benefits” aren’t really all that good and they are all contingent on further enforcing gender norms. They also lock women into roles of being glorified incubation tubes. But look at how patriarchy “benefits” men and you’ll notice the same issues.

    • Men are socialised to be brutal unfeeling actors in order to be the most efficient agents of capital. This means most patriarchal societies place an expectance upon men to engage in violence - like joining the military. This socialisation also leads to mens lacking social and emotional skills that lead to issues for everyone, including men.
    • Men do not learn basic skills like sewing, cooking, Cleaning or other house maintenance, because it is expected women do it for them. This also means the patriarchal man is incapable of taking proper care of himself.
    • I could go on, but I know no matter how much I spell it out a bunch of users are going to disappoint me anyway and say I hate women or some bullshit, so why bother? I’ll go looking for that thread from a month ago where someone spelled it out for people that understood how to interact with users who didnt share the complete same worldview.

    Sorry, that last point was a dumb digression. What I’m trying to say here is that patriarchy is also incredibly hurtful to men. Its not all sunshine and roses. Think back to your own upbringing and think about how society would try to shape you. Think about the gender norms enforced on you.

    Once again: That’s not to say that men aren’t perpetrators or beneficiaries of patriarchy, they clearly are. They’re made into a privileged class that gets to do all sorts of stuff that women don’t. Like have bank accounts or walk down the street at night without fear of being SA’ed.
    But that’s also not to say that women aren’t participators in patriarchy. They aren’t some divine perfect feminine, they’re people like everyone else, and so exist within and enforce society. Try reading any cooking book from before the '70s. That shit be written by a lady, but it is the most misogynistic shit you’ll read in a good while[1].

    Sorry for turning this response into a vent.

    Edit: And don’t get me started on the treatment of trans people or enbies.

    1. Now, of course, some dipshit will read this to mean that my best and only example is “very old cookbooks”, rather than take it for the beat anekdote it is, and I will once again get disappointed ↩︎