Even worse idk much about codeswitching.

I can tell friends who are girls “I love you” and they take it as friendly. But guys can’t hear this without thinking he’s laid claim to a romantic and/or sexual feelings?

If I reject a girl asking me out with the attitude of a bubbly girl talking to another bubbly girl at a party, and say “I have a bf. But you’re a babe!, You can get another babe!” She’d totally be friendly back about it… But once I said this to a guy who asked me out, and he proceeded to ask me for my number 4 times in less than 10 seconds.

Shit like this puts me in fight or flight mode. I have very little awareness of how or why I have to codeswitch between men and women. My skin is crawling nearly everytime a friend points out to me in retrospect that a guy was actually flirting with me after my only intention was being friends or a friendly neighbor. Yikes. I want to go back in time and yell “Fuck you stop being a creep!” (Ofc, they’d be too creepy to understand why I would say that.)

That said, I love my bf because his fem side makes him chill and understanding if a girl talks to him like he’s another girl. I’m pretty quiet and mostly talk to him, and I have no guy friends. So I’m not learning codeswitching skills by watching him. How do you codeswitch and why do you codeswitch in the exact way(s) you do? I barely go outside, and I’m angry at guys everyday over this over past events I’m creeped out by.

  • robot_dog_with_gun [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    11·
    2 天前

    weird one to put this under because this kind of experience for women is caused by men and those men are that way because of how they’re damaged by patriarchy.

    there’s another comment in here about not setting up playdates and that’s fine for individual women to not take on themselves, but if you’re involved with orgs, socialization is something we should be providing the community. get the boys to do the actual work ofc.

    • SerialExperimentsGay [she/her, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      31·
      2 天前

      This thread literally has a person claiming that misandry is real and another saying that the problem with “feminism” (scare quotes put there by them) is that it doesn’t center men enough and when I called that out, that person wrote an unhinged diatribe about how I should “go yell at bisexual women not to bring their boyfriend” which is extra funny because every bi woman or enbie in my friend group has just given up on dating men because they’re not worth the hassle.