- cross-posted to:
- memes@feddit.uk
- cross-posted to:
- memes@feddit.uk
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As an American, I cannot legally touch any egg that hasn’t been ultra-pasteurized followed by continuous cold chain refrigeration and served in either a Styrofoam or pulped paper cardboard egg carton.
I think you have been misinformed. As an American, I can harvest eggs just like the pictured ones from my own backyard on a regular basis.
They don’t even cost any money, they come out of chicken asses for free.
You must have weird chickens. My lay eggs out if their cloaca.
Pedantic response, thanks for the great contribution
Isn’t their asshole like inside the cloaca?
Their colon is. The coloaca is their asshole, and pee hole, and egg hole.
What a noob. Ours come from shops. That way, our entire fuckin garden doesn’t smell like a crashed ammonia tanker
Sorry your yard is so small. Mine is large enough that the chicken coop is far away from the house and is usually not a bother. Summertime when the wind is just wrong can be an annoying stench, but it’s almost nothing compared to the smell of dumpsters in a big city during summer heat.
We call our yards “metres” and they’re a little bit bigger than yours
Off topic pedantry, great response
Sir, this is a
Wendy’sshitpost community.Learn to live a little.
You have no idea how big I can live. What if I told you that I knew a guy who can turn you into a walrus?
As a side note, if your chicken coop smells like a crashed ammonia tanker you need to add more carbon in the coop. Dead leaves, cardboard, shredded wood or wood chips are working well.
This instantly reminded me of an old Mitchell and Webb sketch lol
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Let’s not pretend the acquisition and upkeep of chickens is free… if you eat a lot of eggs it is absolutely worth it, but there is some cost in setting up a coop, getting chickens, keeping chickens fed and safe from predators, disease, etc.
Plus you have to have property to keep them on and be allowed to have them on your property. For most Americans that isn’t possible due to lack of home ownership or HOA restrictions on what animals you can have on “your” property. (HOAs are bullshit)
This is pulped paper cardboard, is it not?
Your pulped paper cardboard.
It’s so nice of you to gift it to them!
I just noticed the mistake and I knew one of you smart asses was going to call me out before I message to fix it :(
You message to fix it? What, you have staff to do it for you?
I don’t even know how the fuck that happened. I give up.
It’s ok. We still like you.
Y’all are ruthless.
Except the ones with girlfriends called Ruth, obv
Hah, jokes on you. I’m a DUMBass. :p
“Y’all’s eggs AREN’T chlorine washed? Ewww unsanitary”
Here’s a pic of some washed eggs in a refrigerator to scare the Europeans.
Bonus:
Microwaved water for tea.
What kind of monster stores bananas in the fridge?
Bananas in the US get washed and lose their protective coating so it’s fairly normal to see them in the fridge in US homes.
I’ve never put mine in the fridge in all my decades as an American lol
Way to humble brag about your imported European bananas that don’t require refrigeration.
(It was a joke btw lol)
That’s news to me
And tomatoes!!! Might as well eat ice cubes at that point
refrigerators keep things chilled, not frozen. you’re thinking of a freezer.
Europeans don’t have freezers, they store their perishables in Angela Merkel’s minge.
OH MINGEY
I kinda prefer cold tomatoes on my tacos than room temp ones, and I mostly use it for pico de Gallo, which is kept in the fridge anyway, so those I do store in the fridge.
Yeah, and I feel like someone’s gonna slam that door one day and get egg all over their bananas.
If “get egg all over their bananas” wasn’t an euphemism before, I’m starting it now.
Once they’ve reached your desired ripeness you can slow down them getting overripe in the fridge.
IKR? They go in the freezer so they can be dipped in chocolate. 😋
There’s always money in the banana stand
Bruh I’m not even European but that measuring cup got me shook.
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Those eggs look almost artificial. Bleugh.
They might be, food photography is weird
I also just grabbed a random ass image off a search; it might be AI generated for all I know!
can you imagine searching for something on google and it just ai generates images on the fly
Yo why are you keeping bananas in the fridge?
I’m pretty sure that’s a stock image so I don’t think that’s a pic of anyone’s legit fridge.
But to answer your question, you can keep bananas on the counter until they reach your preferred level of ripeness and then put them in the fridge to slow down the ripening process so you have a few more days to eat them before they turn to complete mush. I do it all time to ensure I always have bananas around at my preferred level of ripeness.
They brown more in the fridge. If anything cold speeds up the banana going gross.
Avocados work the way you say. I wouldn’t do it to a banana
They brown more in the fridge. If anything cold speeds up the banana going gross.
You mean it speeds up the time until they’re ready to be banana bread? 😋
agree 😁
Yes the outside goes brown, but the inside slows down it’s ripening process. Eventually they will all go to mush, but you can keep them at peak ripeness for a few days longer by putting them in the fridge.
Then again most people won’t eat a banana if it has a single brown spot on it, so I’m probably wasting my breath by telling people they can prevent food waste by eating discolored but perfectly ripe food.
As an American I don’t condone this practice of microwaving the water, except in extreme circumstances.
Edit: as a typical American, I’ve realized that I implicitly assumed OP is American, d’oh.
This gives me the same vibe as Andrew Tate boasting about not recycling the pizza box. Not scared, sad
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Microwaved water for tea.
This sounds so painfully long
It takes less time than even an electric kettle.
It kind of depends on the “quality” of the electricity that runs your domestic property. In the UK there is some serious juice coming through the socket and the kettles there go hard and fast.
Yeah, I shell out for the premium electricity, the 99% electrons. The 95% stuff is fine but I have a lot of expensive devices; I want them to run as fast as possible.
Damn. I didn’t know they still manufactured the 95% electrons stuff. Probably left over stock that they sell at discounted prices.
Oh. I thought you were deodorizing the microwave
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In the US, there’s a concern for salmonella or other bacteria and viruses. Factory egg farming is a horror show in regards to overcrowding and hygiene. Sick birds are crammed in with healthy laying birds, and washing the eggs is one of the safest ways to prevent contamination.
It does increase the permeability of the shell, decreasing shelf life and requiring refrigeration.
If your eggs looked like this in the USA, there’s a small but non-zero chance that you’ll shit yourself to death. Probably not, but it’s scary enough.
We could improve factory farming regulations so it’s not a like a Cronenberg movie, but then eggs would be more expensive. And even if we did, and stopped washing our eggs, Americans would still want them to look clean and would still keep them in the fridge because we’ve been conditioned to expect to die on the toilet covered in wet feces if we see bird poop on the eggs.
Fwiw, the eggs wouldn’t have to be more expensive, the eggs cost what the market will pay.
The only change is that the people profiting from your poor food conditions will profit slightly less.
This is a common lie they tell everyone.
Just looked it up. Six shite-covered-but-perfectly-safe eggs
€1.55
They won’t profit less, line must go up. They’d charge double the difference and blame immigrants and Obama.
sure they could charge more, but the market wouldn’t swallow it so they would sell less. if they could charge more for eggs, they would be doing so right now, for extra profit.
They would collude. All eggs would go up just like during covid, and they wouldn’t lose any sales.
If they could do that, they would do that right now. If they could charge more there’s nothing stopping them from doing that today. We are already at the maximum price they can charge.
Keeping unwashed eggs in the fridge at home helps them last longer, as long as you don’t leave them out to sweat.
But yeah here in Sweden, we rarely ever get salmonella recalls since the chickens aren’t strapped to a box here.
At what point do people not just think that maybe going vegan isn’t that bad of an alternative
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But eggs are yummy. Baked goods, thickened sauces, omelettes and deviled eggs and egg salad, you can’t really replace them with vegan alternatives. Aquafaba is pretty close for some of it, but people like their eggs and don’t care about how much their food suffers before we eat it.
Right around lunch time it starts looking less appealing
It is way too challenging in my mind at least. I do one meat meal a week and veg the rest. All the fun stuff has milk and eggs in it.
But hey you do it if it makes you happy.
If your eggs looked like this in the USA, there’s a small but non-zero chance that you’ll shit yourself to death. Probably not, but it’s scary enough.
Unless you got it from your own chicken coop
Right, but if you keep chickens for eggs, you already know all of this.
Chickens are vaccinated against salmonella (and a bunch of other things) when they are chicks in Europe. It means you don’t need to worry about shitting yourself to death, the chickens are slightly happier by not being sick, and your eggs stay fresher for longer.
It would probably add $0.005 per egg, so US producers will claim it’s communism if a regulation is brought in to vaccinate chicken, but it would be worth doing.
You mean you put 5G tracking devices in your chickens?
Really, though, getting poultry farmers to spend a penny per dozen eggs is like trying to squeeze water from a rock.
Yeah, it helps one find them if they run away
They’ve made a documentary about it back in the day:
They recently made a new one with up-to-date info on the security of those chickens
Fuckin finally. The tryna high road the Europe and shit like they don’t have poor chicken treatment situations too. Its all down to vaccination requirements. They the treatment of chickens cause both places have issues lol
Refrigerating the eggs end to end costs money too, possibly more. I don’t think it’s about ongoing cost but rather upfront cost to switching.
can confirm, am shook
I have a picture of my receipt for an incredibly reasonably-priced ECG scan I had the other day if you like? I think it was €9
DOES NOT COMPUTE
I know right?
I thought it’d be free fucksake
You pay for your ECGs?
drops monocle
The biggest reason eggs are refrigerated in the US is because they’re not vaccinated for salmonella, so refrigeration is needed to inhibit growth. The US was able to do that since they have the infrastructure for end to end refrigeration. It’s not necessarily wrong, it’s just another way to do it. Since salmonella can also be on the outside of the egg they need to be washed, and since they’re refrigerated the loss of the protective layer doesn’t matter. I guess in Europe with the vaccination it also lowers the chance of salmonella on the outside of the egg allowing the outside to remain unwashed and protective of the inside making refrigeration unnecessary. There’s just not enough of a reason to change things in the us now since the refrigeration method is already in place and switching would cost more up front. The main downside is that you can’t eat raw eggs in the US which means some dishes can’t be made, but the vast majority of the US isn’t interested in raw egg dishes anyways.
I know hardy har har such banter, but for real we also have unwashed eggs, and plenty of Americans have chicken’s, I currently have 80 in my backyard and am overflowing with eggs on my countertops.
Your jokes will hit harder if they come from a place of reality and not only information gained from reddit and social media posts.
There are Americans who own chickens and Americans who’ve never touched one. It’s a big country. This post applies mostly to city folk.
This post applies mostly to city folk.
The ones subsidizing the rest of the country. You think Cletus has health insurance while he cosplays as a farmer think his 600 dollar a month land tax is paying for his 4 kids in school? 9 out of 50 states pay federal taxes and those states all happen to have the biggest cities.
But hey I get it. My parents were cosplay farmers as well. Here I am working like a schmuck for a living.
My man, if people want to own a couple chickens it’s not that serious.
The rural welfare states are really a separate issue from that.
I do find it funny that conservative states are so anti-welfare when their existence depends on it though.
I don’t get upset about people having a hobby, I encourage it. Just you know because you have fun doing something doesn’t mean the rest of us have to subsidize your hobby. I enjoy baking that doesn’t mean I get to quit my job and do it full time and depend on the government to pay me for it.
Knew a lot of families like mine growing up. Want to get a real job? No? Ok go back to failing at potatoes, and spend all your free time hunting while drunk.
I live in a major American city maybe 4 miles from downtown and I have a farm with fresh eggs and produce a block from my house.
I think that’s a fair point. However in this case, as an American I personally know people here who are like this.
A friend of mine will go to the store and buy more eggs because he refuses to eat the fresh eggs I keep on my counter.
Edit: He also keeps an ice chest in his trunk to keep them in during the 20 minute drive from the store…
Well, if you’re buying them at a store in the US and storing at room temperature, your friend has a point. In Europe, they don’t wash the eggs at the processing plant. This leaves a film of sorts on the egg that prevents bacteria from entering the egg. In the US, we wash the eggs in processing to get bacteria off the eggs. Both methods are done to prevent E-coli, but the caveat is the washed eggs need refrigeration because there is no film on the eggs.
Also-- if the eggs are unwashed and then refrigerated they are now not shelf stable, the condensation that will occur going from fridge to room temp will disturb the cuticle enough to make them unsafe.
This is something I never knew, thanks
I will add to this… obviously, if you have chickens, farm fresh eggs can be stored at room temperature in the US.
What, a shitpost didn’t take every singe person who exists in America into consideration??!?!?!?? No way, that’s awful, I can’t believe OP would try and hurt you like that, wild they posted a public meme that didn’t apply to you personally
Also I believe you by your use of “chicken’s”. I grew up rural and many did not know how to pluralize things.
This probably goes without saying to anyone who has chickens but a message to rest DO NOT WASH your eggs. It’s the stupidest thing you can do. When you wash them you remove protective layer and they can’t last long outside of refrigerator. Even in the fridge chances of getting Salmonella grows very fast.
DO wash them shortly before eating, though – they come out the chicken’s “universal back hole”.
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some call it Florida
As someone who has been eating eggs out of our own production for several years now:
I’ve never washed an egg. Ever. When we get eggs from our hens, we mark them with the date and they go into the fridge. When we want to eat them, we take them out and do whatever is required.
We mainly consume eggs in boiled, fried and scrambled form, but also sometimes in a carbonara pasta, where they’ll get heated but not cooked.
None of us have ever gotten sick from consuming those eggs, in whichever form. We don’t consume eggs that are significantly older than one month, but that’s pretty much our only safeguard.
Boiling them kills everything harmful. So no point in washing them then.
For anything containing raw egg, washing might not be enough.
Most EU restaurants and cafeterias have a UV sterilizer before storing or handling the eggs: https://www.hendi.eu/en/egg-sterilizer-30-eggs-220462.htmlThey sometimes crack when boiling, and I don’t want my hardboiled eggs in water with dissolved excrements
If you must wash them, do it right before using them.
Yes, this is okay.
There are tons of back yard chickens in the USA, even in many cities.
My guy, I grew up on a chicken farm. This does not scare me.
Well obviously if you’re an actual chicken, it won’t. How was your cage growing up?
Ah, the good 'ole chicken tenderoo.
Hold my shell, I’m going in
Why are people upvoting you, you aren’t funny, it feels like a 13 year old got ahold of someone’s account and is doing their first try at shitposting
What are you talking about? He’s just making polite conversation with a chicken.
🤣
Not Americans that are used to eating farm fresh eggs from the local farmers market. I lived in downtown Austin until recently and getting freshly picked produce from local and urban farms every Saturday was one of my favorite parts of my week.
Hello I’m from the FBI and I’m on my way to disappear your local farmers thank you
Pwease mista FBI guy, weave my farmews awone UwU
Hello I’m from the FBI and I’m on my way to disappear your local farmers thank you
For those wondering wtf OP is talking about
- https://www.davidgumpert.com/confessions-of-a-raw-milk-undercover-agent-behind-the-scenes-with-investigator-brandow-in-ny-state (2007)
- https://grist.org/technology/food-five-tips-for-surviving-a-raid-on-your-farm-or-food-club/ (2010)
- https://web.archive.org/web/20120314001040/https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2011/08/the-latest-raw-milk-raid-an-attack-on-food-freedom/243635/ (2011)
- https://americanmilitarynews.com/2024/01/video-govt-authorities-raid-organic-farm-seize-food-in-pennsylvania/ (2024)
Houston here, and same. There’s a bunch of smaller ones. Some get invaded by folks selling store bought things but I dig heading to the farmer’s market on weekends. All the meat I get is from small local farms as well.
Not everyone has that luxury due to cost and location. I know exactly how lucky I am to have so many options nearby, to be able to afford the slightly higher prices, and to have the time to go when they’re open.
I grew up raising chickens among other animals. Poop and feathers on eggs was the norm. This ‘50s processed white bread, white sugar, clean eggs, etc. that was the sign of “progress” I guess IMO has done more harm than good in some ways.
Am American living in the city with 8 chickens. The only scary thing is seeing eggs in the market go for $10/dozen
I’d love to see this city that only has 8 chickens in it
I don’t know what you’re doing, but the way you can turn a phrase around is remarkable. You’ve gotten a few chuckles outta me this morning.
I love you too 😊
Hah my backyard.
Only 10? They’re $13 where i live
And here I thought $2 was a bit too much.
10$/dozen? Where?
Seattle area.
Wow, that’s crazy. It’s €4.49/10 here tax included for the fancy free range, low volume farm ones from a not-cheap supermarket.
3.2USD here for a dozen cage-free brown eggs!
My folks’ chickens’ eggs have orange-r yolks tho.
Farm fresh eggs here in Amish country go for $2/doz.
Miss living near the Amish. They have these cute big families with so many children and agricultural stuff for low prices. I would love to convince them to somehow some way homestead in my city.
Funny, as someone who works intimately with them I find myself distrusting them. They are great at putting on the “old timey, super genuine sweet Christian folk” persona but don’t get it wrong. Their ideology spreads like a cancer around here. They breed like crazy, buy up all the private land, displace other locals with their farms, eschew environmentally friendly agricultural practice to save money, their buggies destroy the roads and cause terrible fatal accidents. It’s not to say they’re all bad but they’re absolutely a highly insular cult and they have no problem turning on outsiders to further their society.
buggies destroy the roads
How? I’d always heard that heavier vehicles do more damage to roads, so I’d expect buggies to be on par with bicycles or maybe motorcycles.
cause fatal accidents
I’m curious about this one, too. Do they tend to drive erratically? I’d think their slower top speeds would make it easier to avoid accidents.
Many Amish churches ban rubber tires and the buggies will at best use hardwood wheels, and otherwise they’ll be steel. Weight is of some minor concern but more principally the hard materials as well as the shoed horses wear away at the road. In high density Amish areas it’s common to see two deep grooves in the road from buggies.
Buggies are not designed for modern roads. They have very little safety features (in fact they only begrudgingly even put reflectors on them, and maybe occasionally flashers for at night), and their bulky, dense bodies and slow movement make them pretty devastating targets to hit. They don’t crumple like a modern car. They explode. Car-on-buggy accidents are very frequently fatal. I know plenty of Amish who have lost family to accidents at relatively slow speeds.
displace other locals with their farms, es
Meh I am not sure how people stuck on old tech are so much better at farming that they can outcompete modern farms. How bad at your job can you be to have your ass handed to you by the 17th century?
Kinda getting tired of the whole “my life sucks because I am lazy let me get angry at people who are actually successful”. Tall poppy syndrome is running rampant, especially in rural America. You can thank me for paying for your roads btw.
Huh, they’re like $2.19 a dozen for me.
Am american and this:
is what I have in my fridge right now. Rural living win.Would definitely lick those clean, 10/10
Are you my dog?
I can be if you want me to.
Down boy, or you’ll get locked in the basement again
Wait, why fridge? I thought they last at room temp if they still have the chicken butt juice. Do they last longer cold?
I still put farm fresh eggs in my fridge because it’s just a lot more convenient to store eggs in the fridge than on my counter where I have more limited space
I don’t get this at all. Isn’t your fridge much smaller than your counter space?
My fridge is designed to store food and has multiple shelves and drawers. My counters are a flat surface area and I’d rather keep them clear for active uses like cutting, prepping, etc.
There are also appliances competing for space on the counter like coffee machines
I guess there’s the pantry but it’s also just that I’m used to keeping them in the fridge and it’s not like it hurts them to go in the fridge.
Anyway, point is it’s really not that weird to keep them in the fridge
If its anything like my counter then kinda, honestly ive knocked enough shit off the counter that its just easier to keep em in the fridge.
Yeah I suppose I could store them at room temp, but I figure they last longer in the fridge and I’m not really hurting for space.
OP, that’s what it would’ve looked like. Your eggs been industrially washed. What a moron is that OP.
But my fridge has a little spot just for the eggs. They look so cozy there. I actually don’t know where I’d keep something as fragile as eggs outside my fridge in the kitchen. Genuine question where do you keep your eggs safe? Do they often break?
We don’t need an eggs safe, fuck me they’re not that valuable
Well no. I’m Canada we keep the anlpha egg of the dozen in the egg safe. It’s not large enough for a full carton of eggs.
C’mon, you’re making Canada sound backwards like that. We have banks and they have safety deposit boxes large enough for several cartons of eggs.
I also keep eggs hidden around the house in case I get a midnight craving for an omelette and don’t feel like doing a midnight heist on my own eggs. Though I do regret the ones I hid under the couch cushions.
It’s not that those are valuable, it’s that those are dangerous. Have you ever tried throwing one after getting it out of an egg safe where it was safely tucked away for the last decade?
In the cardboard carton they come in.
In a cupboard in their container? They don’t spontaneously combust, as long as they’re in the cardboard it’s pretty hard to accidentally break them.
I drop so much out of my cupboards resching for something else. I’ve dropped eggs before, and i would rather clean up a full sack of flour than half a dozen eggs.
Sounds like you might need to go through your things and ask if each brings you joy and get rid of whatever doesn’t.
Does this egg bring me joy? Throws egg on floor, giggles yes it does. Makes note to replace egg
Ugh it came out the ass
Unless I’ve been horribly misinformed, so does honey
It’s actually coming out of the cloaca. No idea about the chicken tho
You’re both misinformed. Honey doesn’t come either out of a bee’s anus nor out of a bee’s cloaca. It comes out of the mouth. Bees don’t even have a cloaca. Chickens though do have a cloaca and that’s where the eggs come out.
So where do the chickens produce honey from then, smartypants?
They get it from Aldi.
No way a chicken would fit
The chicken comes out of the egg, the egg comes out of the cloaca
So I’ve thought about the chicken and the egg issue. Wouldn’t it be the egg first since it contained an evolved spices that we currently call the chicken? The one that produced it doesn’t have to be a chicken, only that it produced a mutated offspring whose egg contained the chicken.
Is the egg named after what laid it, or what it contains?
(That’s why I love that thought experiment)
It’s more like the egg contained something slightly different from the mother, and that trend continues for thousands and thousands of “iterations” until eventually it’s completely distinct from that “first” one. There shouldn’t be any species that gives birth to something completely different where it’s protochicken straight to chicken.
That’s kinda what I’m getting at, in that at some point you draw the line on what is a “chicken” vs what isn’t a chicken.
Cloaca is its ass, just a multifunctional one
Is “Multifunctional Ass” the sequel to “Detachable Penis”?
That’s ridiculous, chickens don’t have asses. When’s the last time you went to KFC and ordered a bucket of wings, breasts, and asses?
Sidenote: my phone thnks the word breasts must be changed to breaststroke every time.
Silly every tgingat kfc is chicken asses.
The asses are like the sub-dogfood grade meat at taco bell. You don’t explicitly ask for it, but everyone just knows that’s what they are getting.
But I eat ass for sport
If eating ass was a sport I’d know about it.
It is, but is not competitive yet. We are hoping to form a league.
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