I know a red flag is boundary-stepping over sexual and physical boundaries. Because that’s called grooming. And that if I’m uncomfortable don’t give them grace to stop by themselves, stand your ground immediately and leave the situation. Always say no, and literally run away if I have to.

Another red flag is if they buy you gifts without you asking, and they start saying you owe them favors for these gifts you didn’t even ask for. It can escalate to many things like staying when they’re do something abusive because they say you owe them anything they state you do. Sex has been demanded of me this way when I refused to have sex. So leave at once if this starts.

Is there anything you would add to this?

  • TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    17·
    2 months ago

    Just gonna name off the red flags my last ex had ngl bc they 100% approached me due to me having low self esteem at the time

    • In addition to the gift one, spending time also. If they treat spending time with you like it’s a favour rather than mutual fun, then get out of there.
    • If they constantly bring up wanting something (not necessarily a gift, could be sex or w/e), but then get defensive when you ask them to be more direct or anything like that, they’re trying to guilt you into doing it.
    • If they constantly shit talk your friends/family they’re trying to isolate you from them.

    i cant think of anything else off the top of my head thonk

    • HexaSnoot [none/use name]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      5·
      2 months ago

      If they treat spending time with you like it’s a favour rather than mutual fun, then get out of there.

      Yep, that’s happened to me. When I was younger one person intentionally did this as a buildup to demanding sex from me. When I refused, they acted extremely angry. After that incident would check in about if I had an income yet, even though they clearly did not care about me or see me as an actual person who was allowed to not have sex with them. They were almost certainly seeing if I had money they could pressure me to hand over to them.

      They’d never even paid for anything, I used coupons that paid for everything the day we hung out and they lashed out.