Hi friends. Is it fucked up to flirt with someone with no intention of taking it further? I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship. Sometimes I crave a little validation from strangers. I’m not going to cheat on my partner, but I do have a need to feel desirable to others. I don’t feel like a bit of flirting is a betrayal of my relationship, but I’m less confident about how other people feel. Like, I don’t want to waste someone else’s time, but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

  • purpleworm [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    9·
    2 个月前

    I think it can be a little hurtful to people to, as you put it yourself, “lead them on”. Obviously people misuse that phrase (“led me on”) to justify hurting people and that’s a much worse thing, but it’s still fucked to give someone the idea that you’re interested in them so they give you attention. I would never forgive someone for treating me as an instrument to be used for their validation in such a deceptive and one-sided manner, like one of those assholes who goes on dating apps to get attention and then says “I have an SO catgirl-sorry” after talking with someone for a few days.

    I would encourage you to ask yourself why you feel the need for romantic/sexual “validation from strangers,” and if it means there might be some aspect of your mindset that might be worth addressing rather than using someone else’s self-esteem and emotional investment as a soothing balm. I have no interest in the answer to that question, I mention it only for your sake.

    There are some cultural contexts, of course, where people’s ideas are very different and it’s more of the expectation that you might make out or something and then never see each other again, having never even learned their name, so perhaps if you’re in that kind of situation then it’s different