Hi friends. Is it fucked up to flirt with someone with no intention of taking it further? I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship. Sometimes I crave a little validation from strangers. I’m not going to cheat on my partner, but I do have a need to feel desirable to others. I don’t feel like a bit of flirting is a betrayal of my relationship, but I’m less confident about how other people feel. Like, I don’t want to waste someone else’s time, but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

    • Le_Wokisme [they/them, undecided]@hexbear.netEnglish
      6·
      2 months ago

      a successful run goes something like

      opening move -> reciprocity -> escalation -> escalation -> escalation -> etc -> romantic and/or sexual entanglement

      so i’d say 3 is where you have the opportunity to say thanks and move on having had an exchange of compliments rather than necessarily flirting, and if you stick around for the second round of escalation then you’re indicating you’re potentially down for something and somebody like OP would be there in bad faith.

      and again this is about the case where OP is deliberately being a vampire, if you’re flirting with somebody for a while and decide not to continue for whatever reason that’s fine, but you shouldn’t start the process if you’re completely closed off to begin with.

      • Acute_Engles [he/him, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
        7·
        2 months ago

        I suppose the framing of flirtation in the OP is necessarily different than something you may not even realize was happening until 2 weeks later because of the intention.

        I don’t really understand the flowchart but i see what you’re saying. There’s a point where both parties are aware that explicit flirting is happening and if that wasnt where OP wanted to take it there wouldn’t be a question.

        The amount of times I’ve had someone tell me I’ve been flirted with or thought about an interaction weeks later where “…wait were they flirting or just being nice?” Made me think OP was gonna go around complimenting people and seeing if they got a nice response…