Hi friends. Is it fucked up to flirt with someone with no intention of taking it further? I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship. Sometimes I crave a little validation from strangers. I’m not going to cheat on my partner, but I do have a need to feel desirable to others. I don’t feel like a bit of flirting is a betrayal of my relationship, but I’m less confident about how other people feel. Like, I don’t want to waste someone else’s time, but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

  • Demifriend [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    6·
    2 months ago

    This is a very one-dimensional way of thinking about social interaction. People flirt for all sorts of reasons, not all of them even about sex/romance. You can’t just narrow it down to a single purpose. But even within your narrow definition, you say yourself that flirting is about potential interest. It doesn’t mean anything definite. Assuming that the person flirting with you wants to take it further isn’t necessarily wrong, but they aren’t abusing the social contract if they don’t want to, even if it hurts your feelings. It certainly doesn’t warrant calling them an evil vampire.

    • Le_Wokisme [they/them, undecided]@hexbear.netEnglish
      2·
      2 months ago

      OP is describing a situation where there is no potential. i have said in multiple other comments that good-faith flirting has no obligation to continue.

      the only thing some of us are asking is for people to not initiate from false pretenses.

      • Demifriend [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        5·
        2 months ago

        There is no false pretense. It does not matter if they never intended to advance beyond that flirting, that does not make it bad-faith behavior. Your entire grievance with the OP is that you feel you are owed a chance with someone because they are flirting with you, and they don’t owe you that at all.

        • Le_Wokisme [they/them, undecided]@hexbear.netEnglish
          2·
          2 months ago

          OP literally says

          but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

          i think we owe eachother honesty and decency and acting, for personal gain, indistinguishable from someone who is potentially interested is dishonest at a minimum, and up to cruel depending on how far it’s taken before the ulterior motive is revealed.

          you feel you are owed a chance with someone because they are flirting with you, and they don’t owe you that at all.

          no, i’m not interested in hookups anyway, and covid means i will never be in a position to be flirted with for the rest of my life or the existence of the united states, whichever ends first. this is about how people treat eachother and what OP described is emotional advantage-taking.