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Oblivion Conversation
Stop Right There, Criminal Scum!
I’ve been exchanging texts with a woman I don’t know well yet, and as a conversation generator she asked me if I had been watching the world cup. We continued for an embarrassingly long time before we seemed to simultaneously come to the realization that neither of us cared about soccer at all, nor knew enough to carry on a real conversation about it.
Did you see the match last night?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah
God! Did we?
Wow! What a match!
Yeah.
All of the players running up the pitch… Players running. …and running down it again. Such athleticism!
What was Rooney thinking of, though?
Oh! Who knows?
That’s Rooney!
He is a foolish boy.
Yeah, but that referee… I’m sorry, the referee is just an idiot.
Yes. He was certainly the villain of the piece.
“Hello”
“Good, and you?”
“Not much.”
“Welp, see ya later!”
Thanks, you too
Oh, that’s the perfect ending!
For me, it was usually some variation of “Do you have kids?” or “When you meet the right woman.” that signals the beginning of the end of our nice, casual, non-awkward chit-chat. But now that I cut my own hair, I don’t hold back with my barber when he asks me stuff like that.
Do you have kids?
Yeah, two cashmeres. Do a lot of your clients raise goats?
When did you meet the right woman?
Hmmm, it’s hard to decide who’s the most right woman. I ran into Ann Coulter once. Does that count?
That’s why I cut my own hair.
Whag the fuck is this
Hair clippers that attach to a vacuum hose. The vacuum pulls the hair against the clippers at the length set by the inlet tube and then disposes of the offcut. It’s a very efficient way to give yourself a consistent haircut. It’s not consistently good, but… yeah. It was never hugely popular in the US, but they did advertise a lot back in the 90s.
Thanks the thoughtful and informative response. Now all we have to do to is figure out “why or how the fuck is this?” so that we may learn from the errors of our predecessors.
My family had a phlobe and I think it’s why I hate haircuts to this day
Hadn’t scrolled far enough down the page and was momentarily stunned.
I prefer a silent haircut, maybe I’ll try this.
There was a guy cutting my hair who was pretty young, maybe 21 when i was tgere the first time. We had a bit of a language barrier, but he was also almoat half my age, so not much to talk about, which is perfect for me. I gave him a pretty insane tip. Next time i went in there, he immediately recognized me and was liw key eager to cut my hair. He was almost nervous to keep me “entertained” i said something like: we don’t really need to talk, you know. I gave hin a slightly bigger tip. Next time same thing, but he took it as a challange to not talk at all, it was glorious. Unfortunately he was only there for two more haircuts.
Just out of curiosity, what sort of tip are we talking? And what made you want to do it initially?
I kinda hate going to the barbers because the conversation will always spin towards sports or women and I’m not interested in either.
My main problem is that I don’t really care about my hair, so when the barber asks me what I want my only answer is “I don’t know. The same but shorter?” Which doesn’t actually help the poor guy because I’ll ignore my need for a haircut for half a year at a time.
Take a pic of your hair when it is short and show em that.
give yourself a buzzcut then tell the barber you want it longer
He sets the appointment in three weeks, when you come in he spins you in the chair once and takes 20 bucks.
This is the kind of Looney Tunes content I come here for. 10/10
This is literally the exact perfect situation to VANCE-IT with a confident “Just whatever makes sense.”
There’s a tangible market for gay barbers, you say?
1000%, I’d never trust a straight man with my hair. That being said I usually just end up going to women-owned salons, so that’d be your real competition.
Aren’t most hairdressers/barbers gay? I do not trust heterosexual barbers any more than I trust women handling my hair.
I prefer women handling my hair. I’d rather have their opinion on it than a man.
Most of mine have been straight or at least temporarily closeted and they’ve been decent.
To be fair there is a really cool LGBT hairdressers not far from me! I go there when I can, but it’s hard to get an appointment sometimes.
Annoyingly I really like how the ‘regular’ barbers do my hair. But there’s only so much chat about poker and clubbing in Ibiza that I can handle :'3
I’ve been getting ladies to cut my hair for a while now. The conversations are a lot better I feel.
This is a story from Cap Hill.
all my stylists end up hearing my traumatic backstory lol they love it
You should keep track of who gets what info, keeping it separate by stylist, and frequently end your stories in cliffhangers. Once they start piecing it together and solve for the gaps with the juiciest info, start a Patreon with all the best bits filled in slowly over time. When the hype dies down, throw a curveball.
Secretly plan a vacation divided between Qatar and Turkey. Include the most attractive friend that they don’t know. When you get back, let some of the torn off baggage tags “accidentally” fall out of your pocket. When pressed, insist it was just a vacation, that you forgot to tell them about despite the fact you usually tell them.
When they ask for pictures, only show the really mundane stuff like government buildings, hotels, casual restaurants, etc. Have the friend in most of the pictures, but try to keep distance between you. Include whatever random third person you can, different each time, making it look like they’re way more familiar with the friend than you, despite the fact that the friend is in almost all of the vacation pictures.
Milwaukee!
No no, I don’t watch, I play😏!
