Hey Anon, you did great!
In this situation, as in many in life, Judo rules apply: Go with the punch, don’t push against it.
This was a win, you just need to recognize it as that.- you proved yourself that you have lots of courage
- you were not a creep when talking to a stranger
- you dodged a bullet with that woman.
- you tried something new. (might not have worked out at the first try, but can’t really expect to be that lucky)
keep it up, don’t lose heart, you’ll find your match.
Great comment, cold approaching in any situation can be intimidating but at the end of the day the worst that can happen is they say “no”. And then you can go home and get high or drunk or whatever and not care. Each rejection hurts a little less each time.
I mean, better solution is to go hang with your friends and commiserate. Which, imo, is always something dating advice seems to avoid talking about. Dating is hard. Having a solid social support system to pick you back up again is crucial.
That’s when you go “Oh Okay, I can see why your single” and walk away like a boss
Now we know why she’s single
Dodged a bullet.
You can’t be the victim and a Victor, you made your choice.
Remember boys: greentext is made up and didn’t happen.
I assumed they laughed at her because she actually IS that desperate but in denial about it.
The amount of people that assume laughter is directed at them in a scenario like this instead of the friend or even just a reaction to something uncomfortable is too high.
Nah but for real if some random stranger at a bar overheard me saying I’m single and then came up to me and my friends like that I would be a little creeped out too.
I wouldn’t be mean about it, but I definitely wouldn’t say yes.
This is definitely one of those ‘creepy if ugly’ moments. If he was a handsome guy, it would be romantic and has almost definitely happened in a million Hallmark movies.
Listening in on conversations is creepy, no matter how good-looking a person is.
And that stuff happens in movies doesn’t mean it isn’t creepy in real-life.
Not really. If you were discussing with somebody about some terminal illness you were raising money for and somebody approached and said: “Sorry, but I overheard what you said and I’d love to donate, if that’s okay” that would not be creepy in the slightest.
There is a difference between ‘overhearing’ and ‘purposefully spying’
You are probably not wrong, super attractive people can get away with cringy things. Wouldn’t be a good strategy for an average looking person, however.
If he was handsome it would still be creepy
Handsome/Ugly is in the eye of the person, remember. Just because one person found you not attractive, doesn’t mean they all do.
Fuck Hallmark movies, Don’t make me vomit
Of course everyone is entitled to have their own opinion of what is beautiful. But there are some pretty obvious statistical convergences.
Sure, but personally, I don’t give a fuck about that. I don’t find conventionally attractive people, good looking. They don’t do it for me. And If I, just one person feels this way, and I’ve met other’s like this too, there must be more.
Just tryin to put that beacon of hope out.
Sure. But I think it is better to set realistic expectations. After all, it you don’t expect much, then you won’t feel so bad when it doesn’t manifest. With false hope, you are crushed each time your hopes don’t meet reality. In the long run, realistic expectations serve us better because we can see how our efforts lead us to the results we desire.
This isn’t to say that conventionally unattractive people should give up all hope and dispair. It just means they should temper their expectations relative to their more attractive counterparts, and should focus on things which are within their circle of control, like fitness, grooming, style, lifestyle, mindset, and number of people talked to.
Both those things, saving hope, while going into things with no expectations or “realistic” expectations are both very compatible.
You can have realistic hope. It’s exactly as you describe in your second paragraph. Good stuff.
“Hello, Human Resources??”
It’s not so much creepy if ugly, so much as creepy if not confident.
And the way to become confident in something is to do it a bunch of times.
Lesson being, it’s okay if someone thinks you’re creepy. You’re just in the process of developing a new skill.
Impossible. It’s the females!
*insert Skinner meme*
Not even if I was a two headed Brad Pitt with the body of the strongest Chris?
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Worst she can do is say “no”
Are you saying you wanted to date that? That’s self selection at its finest.
Sounds to me like you just dodged a bullet, mate.
Absolutely. Anyone willing to treat a stranger this way is unequivocally a shitbag.
She will die alone, whether she is married or not.
i’ve rejected plenty of women. i’ve never mocked them while doing it. it’s not hard to reject people politely.
i also used to get rejected politely… but i’ll admit that the past few years people have started rejecting me really rudely. for some reason post pandemic a lot of people entitled to be a raging assholes.
Going to a bar to meet someone was the first problem. It’s far better to try to meet people in public places that don’t involve alcohol, drugs and loud music.
Uh, maybe bars work differently in your neck of the woods, but that sounds more like a nightclub to me. Alcohol in reasonable amounts - sure, but I generally wouldn’t expect either drugs or loud music in any bar around here.
If she wasn’t desperate she wouldn’t be at a bar
…?
Are you high? Lots of people go to bars all the time for all sorts of reasons
Name one besides getting drunk
To spend time with friends and maybe meet new people in a social, fun, and well decorated environment.
I went to a bar, stalked a woman and had to bite my tongue to avoid saying m’lady when I asked her out. I can’t imagine why she said no.
