Hi, my friend said they got a call from you saying you’re “all out of me,” does that mean that you, uh, sell copies of me here? And how much are they?
uhhhh we got a printer up near customer service. usually it just prints documents and shit but i guess you could stick your face in there and see what that does
Is the nincompoop machine still broken? I want a frozen dumb ass.
yeah the machine is working fine. you want sprinkles on that?
Yes please
okay so i put sprinkles on the machine and then it caught fire and broke. no more frozen dumbasses, sorry :(
Where do you keep the Skub
uhhhhhh we ran out three months ago and nobody remembered to order any
Uhhhhhhhh yes I’ll have the uhhh the ummm uhhh hmmm one sec uhhh incoherent whispering yeah okay the uhhh hmmm mmm yea…no…nuhhhh hmmm uhhhhh one uhhhh can I make it a large uhhhh hmm or maybe another hmm no I had that last time one second I need a second just uhhh hmmm one ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
oh yeah you work here, don’t you?
Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
uuhhh could i get a uhhhh uhhhh could i get a uhhhhhh
Hey hurry the fuck up I’m on lunch break from my job at the stupid ass factory!
I would like…world peace
yeah we got it on aisle 14
Where is aisle 14? I can’t count.
it’s uhhh… gestures vaguely that way? i think?
walks in opposite direction, begins yelling “HELP”
four candles please
we don’t got candles. best i can do is a sparkler stuck in a brick of styrofoam. the fumes WILL kill your brain cells though
no, four candles
cups hand over ear and leans in
Fork handles? those are on aisle kissy face emoji
Wow, you have a huge selection of Funko Pops here
i would like one communism please
Eh hem, looking for communism at the idiot store because it doesn’t work? I am very intelligent 
i… i… meant that… it would be silly to look for communism in the store, when it’s obviously in the factory
Huh?
I SAID
WELCOME TO THE FUCKING DUMBASS STORE FOR STUPID FUCKING IDIOTS, IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP YOU FIND TODAY?
Uhhh… I need help. I’m looking for something but I’m not sure if you have it.
yeah what are you looking for?
Do you have… um… I’m working on something but I need that, you know, the thing? I forget what it’s called. Do you know if you have it? I came here for it.
uhhh we have forgetting pills on aisle poop emoji. They make you forget stuff but maybe if you take them upside down they’ll help you remember what you’re looking for
I didn’t say I needed forgetting pills. I have those already. I just forget to take them, that’s all. Do you have what I’m looking for?
uhhhhh we got mystery boxes of shit on aisle 2? they might have what you’re looking for inside
I will have a number 526627 and a small number 13645433
uhhhh biggest number we got is 7
did you want 11199785 with that?
I need five
we got fives over in aisle two
Kshh shung
“ATTENTION ALL FUCKING DUMBASSES, WE GOT A MANAGER’S SPECIAL ON T SHIRTS ON AISLE NEGATIVE FOUR INCLUDING ALL FLAVORS! COOL RANCH, CHEESE BLASTED, BARBEQUE, GRASS, SWEET CHIPOTLE, AND DIRT. THANK YOU!”
Dirt shirts are a legit tourist trap purchase on Prince Edward Island. Their is a lot of red clay in the mud which stains like a motherfucker so they sell shirts dyed in it as a thing. They even have PEI Dirt Shirt printed on em. Half of the kids I knew growing up near the island had one.
Kshh shung
“MAINTENENCE, SOME DUMBASS SPILLED HOT DOG WATER ALL OVER AISLE 5, CAN YOU CLEAN THAT SHIT UP? THANKS, BABE!”
I want a lot of lottery tickets but all very specific ones and I’d like to scratch them all at the counter and make people wait behind me plz.
Got any grapes?
we don’t got grapes. we got “raisins” but they’re actually just rat turds. don’t tell my boss i told the customers that again
