A reddit story on “Glitch in the matrix.” A redditor said he was waiting for his friend, who drives a blue peugeot, to come and collect him. He looked out the window and saw the blue peugeot. His friend, he believed, had arrived, so he went out to the car. When he got closer, he saw the driver of the car was morbidly obese. He’d last seen his friend a week ago and his friend hadn’t been fat then, but he just thought his friend must have had a rough week and was looking bloated. He got in the car, punched his friend in the gut, which was their usual greeting and looked at his face. Something seemed wrong, his friend looked different, but he couldn’t put his finger on what had changed. He and his friend sat there staring at each other for several minutes while the redditor tried to work out what seemed off. Eventually he realised this wasn’t his friend, it was just some random obese gentleman who had the same car as his friend. Without saying anything, the redditor got out of the car and went back into his house. His friend arrived to collect him soon afterwards. He said the universe had clearly created a close copy of his friend and it was probably because of Cern/the large hadron collider tearing holes in the fabric of reality.

Someone responded to the post, saying something like: So you saw someone with the same car as your friend but who was morbidly obese. Instead of realising this wasn’t your friend you just thought “My friend is looking bloated, must have been a rough week.” You then got into a complete stranger’s car, punched him in the gut and stared him down for several minutes before leaving without giving any explanation. And to top it off you think this happened because the large hadron collider is warping reality.

This has to be the most British man in the world:

https://youtube.com/shorts/09c1cFyRgnI

• wants to preserve bird sanctuary
• threatens to call the police if you continue biking
• also thinks you were going too fast and it was dangerous
• says “What?” in cursive
• flabbergasted the police said it was okay to bike there
• you can smell the pipe tobacco and earl gray tea through your screen

Somebody yelled racial slurs at me last night but I got auditory processing issues and didn’t understand, so he had to repeat himself a bunch, and I just kinda stared and didn’t realize what he said until I was driving away and then started laughing, thinking that would’ve been a funny comedy sketch

Whitest Kids U Know: Bike up the Ass

This video on Loops.

My partner told me about this story that happened at her work. She was in the bathroom stall and heard the bathroom door open, she hears a woman rush into the stall next to her slamming and locking the door, and dropping pants within the same second. She sits and my partner hears Trump’s voice, “BING-BONG”, (must be a phone notification?) and then the “loudest fart I’ve ever heard”.

None Pizza with Left Beef

Probably my cat being silly.

A norwegian petty bourgeoisie journalist just released an article titled “my Spanish hairdresser calls me fatty” and it’s basically about she’s such good friends with the Hispanic community that they will straight up fatshame her to her face in Spanish as a “sign of friendship.”

Petty bouge white women taking massive Ls and writing self righteous, moralistic screeds about it is the funniest genre of journalism I know.

My partner was putting his undies in the laundry basket that is next to the toilet bowl yesterday while really having to pee and in the chaos dropped his undies in the toilet instead, the lids are sort of similar.

I just heard the “oh ffs” from the other room.

We are a neurospicy island. We had a good laugh.

I laughed at one of my own posts

I have this older coworker who’s known for rambling half coherently and constantly humming to himself.

A few days ago in the break room he was talking at me while I tried ignoring him on my phone. He said “My friend tells me humming to yourself all the time is a sign of senility, but I think that’s a leftist conspiracy because I’m still sharp as a tack!”

I had to get up and go to the bathroom to laugh my ass off.

Definitely the dude doing the nerdiest dance I have ever seen while nailing freak on a leash at karaoke last night

this twitch clip

A Bosnian SpongeBob parody where they dub the Robot episode and Gary goes “WAAAAAAAH”