and think Helen Keller wasn’t real
wat? I’m not on any dating apps, is this a real conspiracy theory people believe?
there are many many more conspiracy theories out there that people believe than there is time for you to learn about all of them.
dating app companies have different incentives than you, and you cant afford to pay them enough to align the two. I think this is inevitable and it always greatly surprises me when people actually find love over these apps
I met a handful of people on dating apps, had some sex, and the relationships went basically nowhere. Every solid, long-term relationship I have had has come from going places and doing things with people. If I was single I’d start climbing again.
Tinder, Azar, Her, Hinge, match.com, meetic, Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, and The League are all owned by a single company.
The ratio of women to men on their dating apps are also wack.
Fun fact: you can probably guess the ethnicity of Spencer Rascoff, the CEO of Match Group.
Good lord they own basically all the major ones.
Also all the different “X People Meet” apps, but no Linux People Meet? 😭 /s
We meet here bro 😘
I met my girlfriend on IRC, we’ve been living together for 7 years now. She was trolling people with goatse pics and we started talking about philosophy and poetry etc and then it turned out that she’s a super cute canadian girl. This is usually not the story we tell people when they ask how we met.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them
Hey no kink shaming in the guild!
That’s the most crazy story i have read and the best one probably
Also, THIS is how you are supposed to meet people online not with dating apps, dating apps just suck and make you choose the most sexy “option” and maybe their interests maybe
Holy shit, I didn’t think that was even possible. I can’t let myself start thinking that’s a possibility, I just can’t. That could lead to disaster.
A girlfriend that trolls people with goatse? lucky bastard
You’d never guess if you just met her, she’s a 5’2 ballet dancer but she knows everything about various serial killers. People are complex, we have many sides.
This is usually not the story we tell people when they ask how we met.
Honestly, it’s a way better story than telling people you met on a dating app. And the ones that would be weirded out by the story are probably not people you’d want to spend a lot of time around
Also all the different “X People Meet” apps, but no Linux People Meet? 😭 /s
Tbh, isn’t that just Alovoa? I had never heard of it until I saw it on FDroid
Lmao an open source meet up app. Never heard of it, but interesting to know it exists
no Linux People Meet?
Are you sure there’s no transfemme one?
How is that not an anti-trust issue? Each one started as an independent company trying to add value by bringing something new to the table, and they bought them all up to eliminate the competition and enshittified them all with the same profit-gouging algorithms.
Not to mention the concerted effort they made to make in-person dating a social taboo so that everyone literally depends on the dating apps to find potential partners.
Back before I gave up on dating, when I was still on reddit, I can’t tell you how many times I heard the same advice. “Don’t approach people in person, nobody wants to be bothered. Just use the apps where you know they want to be approached.”
That with the systematic minimization of the shittiness of the apps, and the victim blaming “just work on yourself bro, you must be a shit person if you can’t find a partner, so you’d find a partner if you could just stop being a shit person.”
Looking back, I wonder how much of that was astroturfing by the Match Group marketing department…
How is that not an anti-trust issue?
Because we live in the bad place. Conservatives are unlikely to pursue anti-trust unless they’re using it as a tool to hurt out-group (eg: they might try to break up an organization they perceive as being too queer).
We don’t have a strong left in the US. You get glimmers every so often - Lina Khan was trying to do anti-trust work, but then trump returned and that’s all moot.
A lot of problems would go away or be less bad if we stopped letting power consolidate. Unfortunately, this is the bad place.
Yeah, that’s so true. Ironically, anti-trust laws are more often used to help corporate interests maintain their monopolies and duopolies.
Any time a new startup comes in and threatens to claim a significant portion of the market share, these entrenched big business interests accusing them of “monopolistic practices” even though it’s literally the opposite. It’s plain old DARVO.
We do not live in a free market. That’s a myth told by the oligarch caste to enable and maintain their corruption, capture, and control of the market.
This makes total sense!
I met my husband on Tinder in 2014, 3 years before consolidation in 2017. When I was using it it was only a joint venture with Match Group
I also had some success before 2014 on okcupid (initially owned by IAC which used to contain Match Group and has since separated from match group but Match group kept OkCupid) and POF (sold in 2015 to Match Group)
Makes sense to me why I had a way different experience on dating websites back when I was single compared to my single friends now.
Feeld is there too. Their matching and like system is very much weighted towards paying not-cheap monthly prices.
And they’re fake hikers and travelers too. I met somebody irl who said one of their interests was eating food but they just go to the places for the vibes and not for the food. Whereas I’m the complete opposite, I would go to a crack den for the best food.
A date I had said their hobbies were walking and hiking among other things. Our 1st date was at a local park with a 20 step stair case that took her out… It was my first exposure to this bizarre labelling that goes on here.
There wasn’t a 2nd lol
Humans are just animals at the end of the day. This is all a sexual display of fitness. Hiking and traveling tell people you’re physically and financially fit. You can move around no issue. You are social. You are socially and physically healthy.
They lie a ton and show pics of hiking from 5 years ago and act like they can still do all that. Or they never could and the pics are deceiving… Regardless, it’s just a game all genders are playing to show sexual fitness. It looks like carbon copies because it’s the best way to communicate “my body moves well and I can afford luxury”.
“my body moves well and I can afford luxury”
Swipes right
joke is on them.
I can’t afford luxury shit, but I can ride my non luxury bike like 150 miles in a day.
I had a firdt date with someone who loved hiking. I asked her if she wanted to go on a trail i like. I was worrued that it was maybe to long and steep, or maybe even to short. When we met, she was way bigger than i expected. I told ger that we could do something else, but she insiated. She was super slow and i was worried sge’s gonna pass out. She asked me if how far we have to go, when i could still see my car. Similar thing happened when i went on a vike ride with someone who was really into cycling
a vike ride
I feel like this could be really uncomfortable because of the helmet horns.
I invited a girl out on a bike ride and she literally did pass out. Was able to revive her and walk her home.
She never talked to me again.
I love walking and hiking, but having to walk uphill takes me out, too.
swipes right
The best food is usually in places like that too. My home city has this literal hole in a wall mexican place. You know it’s good when it’s also a grocery store and nobody speaks good English except for the kids who are the wait staff. Best fucking food I’ve ever had and I’m gutted because they closed down 6 months later and I don’t know if they moved or went out of business 😭😭😭
amen brother.
best places to eat are the places with no white people. whitey has no taste.
but sucks that usually such places don’t last and get replaced with generic white person food.
No need to get all racist, mate
There’s this bengali place I love that is also a grocery store. It’s so epic
I have a Pavlovian response to seeing shelves of spices and dried peppers in unlabeled bags in a language I can’t read because of this. If I’m already hungry and I walk in to a new place and see that suddenly I’m ravenous.
Best Chinese food I’ve had was in a legit city basement.
Best philly cheesesteak I’ve ever had was from a hospital cafeteria.
They do be trifflin
Ohh a group of my friends has someone like that. Although everyone has been getting increasingly distant from her as she won’t turn up to anything that isn’t fancy enough for her, and there is an increasing feeling that she only ever messages us when she doesn’t have anything else she would rather do going on - we hear from her much more when she is unemployed and single.
“Hellen Keller wasn’t real” is an immediate swipe away from a profile. I don’t care if they’re joking or if they’re actually a nut job conspiracy theorist. If the latter, obviously we’re not gonna vibe, and if the former, that entire joke/line of thinking is prefaced on ableism and the idea that a deaf and blind woman could not have accomplished what she did, not to mention the erasure of a prominent socialist, suffragist, and activist. I fucking hate that joke.
This is the first I’ve ever heard about it, and I’m so confused
It started as a joke, and now there are actual people who believe that she was either not a real person, or that her accomplishments were faked. People with disabilities are already assumed to be lesser than able bodied people, and this particular trend is stripping away one of the most prominent examples to the contrary. It is also erasing one of the most prominent examples of a famous socialist woman in American history, and a southern American socialist woman at that. Her story is amazing, but more importantly, she is historically significant. She is an example to so many people, and she has been liberal-washed for a century, and now she’s being erased entirely. It’s disgusting.
Sickening. I had no idea she was being attacked in this way.
I guess this is another moon landing flat earth sovereign citizen thing.
it’s a nothingburger that people online like to tilt at.
because they are all brave Knights errant, who are rescuing damsels or something.
where you around for Bonsai Kittens? lots of people lost their shit over that thinking it was some legit thing.
This is not at all comparable to bonsai kittens. Bonsai kittens were not at all based in reality. Hellen Keller was an actual, real human person who is being erased by idiotic conspiracy theorists. She was a disabled woman who overcame profound disability to become an incredibly example to millions of people, while also being a highly intelligent political thinker. She has been liberal washed for a century, and now she is being erased entirely. It’s not a funny little joke to disregard the accomplishments of someone who represents something that profound to people who are routinely discriminated against. The woman grew up at a time when disabled people were locked away in hospitals, homes, and attics.
Do you have any idea how utterly insulting it is to see people saying she could not have done what she did, or that she did not even exist, simply because they cannot imagine that a woman with her disabilities could learn language? As if to say that disabled people should be outright rejected because their experience is different from an an able bodied persons?
This has nothing to do with “rescuing damsels,” and the suggestion that it does is insulting in and of itself. The woman is dead, she cannot rescue herself, she deserves the recognition that she has lost. When she is taught in schools, it’s an abbreviated, liberal washed, abridged few paragraphs, when the reality is that she is one of the most important figures in the American disability rights movement, and one of the most prominent examples of a socialist woman in US history, especially southern American US history.
dude, idiots think bonsai kittens were real and were going around outraged about it.
just like idiots think helen keller isn’t real.
you are taking idiots way too seriously. please go outside and enjoy the sunshine and stop being ragebaited. you are not saving the world by being angry on the internet at stupid people. all you are doing is inflating your own ego and making yourself miserable.
A VERY prominent and UNAPOLOGETIC socialist. The way history has defanged her and turned her into a simpleton who learned to speak is an absolute appalling insult to the strong, principled woman she was.
Exactly! She’s one of my favorite historical figures, but when if she wasn’t, even if our politics did not align so well, she does not deserve to swept into the dustbin like this, liberal washed and eventually erased entirely. It’s disgusting.
There are absolutely a lot of awful realizations about how inhumanly the world treats people, but the realization that you don’t even get to have the legacy of the life you lived? That’s maybe the most heinous one.
Doesn’t matter had sex.
What’s this “Helen Keller wasn’t real” meme? I’ve never heard (or seen) it
Neither has she, lololol
I don’t get it.
Is it because she’s dead?
She was blind and deaf but yes she did in 1968.
sigh
It’s ok, that one got a chuckle outta me
Just a dumb conspiracy theory where people either think a) she wasn’t actually blind and deaf, or b) she didn’t actually write the books she wrote and shrugs everything she achieved.
https://www.distractify.com/p/is-helen-keller-real-conspiracy
>Why can’t I get a partner by sitting alone in my room and swiping?
>This must be the fault of women
You know, I’m very much for equality, but in this situation a woman can do exactly that and get loads of dates.
It’s the initial connection that is the highest barrier for men, after that, yeah, kinda need to leave the house to get a partner.
I think its cuz there is a lot more men there then women
it’s because gender dynamics are that men pursue and women select.
dating apps or no, that’s how it’s always been.
biology is a judgy bitch.
Meanwhile OP’s profile
Years ago, a friend of mine once had: “Seeking partner skilled in armed combat for the coming apocalypse. Must not be averse to cannibalism” as their bio.
Got 'em a couple DMs I think
Yeah that sounds like a fun person
Dating apps are the worst, the absolute worst, way to meet people. I met my husband in a chat room and that’s fucking awful right? Dating apps are worse. Go on blind dates, set your friends up, go and scream in the middle of a park, all of those are better than dating apps. Humans don’t work like catalogues.
go and scream in the middle of a park
I see you use the bird method
If I see someone attractive screaming in a park they probably have my attention.
He’s got a point about carbon copy profiles, they all blur together after a while, and it’s very difficult to find something interesting to talk about in a lot of them.
“fostering men until they find their forever homes.”
I see this one at least 10 times a day.
I know it’s meant to be positive but gives me horror to me, like Hansel and Gretel
it means she isn’t accountable for her actions that drive men away. you are smart to be afraid.
and on the first date she will tell you how all her exes are awful and it’s your job as her next boyfriend to fix all their mistakes. you basically start out the relationship with her in emotional debt, and you’ll never pay it off with the interest rate she is charging.
I have a suspicion it’s one of the default prompts. Or they’re just asking an AI or something.
at least “designed to be deleted” part of it is truthful. Nothing else to be done with that garbage program.
Lol it’s so enshitified it’s designed to be deleted
Hinge, Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty Of Fish and others are owned by one giant company called Match.com. You are not ugly, a monopoly just puts you down the pile by algorithm to prompt you to pay to increase your chances of more likes (that’s not to say that making your profile look good doesn’t matter). There are independent dating apps like Coffee and Bagel and Bumble, but either those apps don’t have many people or copying Match’s anti-consumer behaviour like Bumble does.
Can Lemmy be used for dating?
That really depends: are you looking for a nerdy man who lacks social skills or are you t4t and super online? If so, yeah probably. If not, feel free to try
I am a nerdy man who lacks social skills looking for a nerdy woman(ish person) who lacks social skills.
Any platform can be used for dating
Sweet home Alabama, where the sky is so blue…
I have read about people trying to use LinkedIn for dating, and I feel like that’s a red flag. Those men should probably be quarantined.
Exhibit 1:
What the fuck‽
Everyone on LinkedIn should be quarantined.
Hey, you can show mutual connections, even check their CV for suspicious gaps and given how fucked up half the people on there are, they’ll probably tell you their private and political opinions!
Oh yikes
…if you’re brave enough
There’s Alovoa… an open source platform but it’s even less densely populated than Lemmy
I bet someone did just that and succeeded
Dating apps should be publicly funded like a kind of public utility. And private dating apps heavily regulated and prevented from advertising. Because currently they making profit by keeping you single.
Like water and air, love should not be for profit.
We need 3rd spaces, online dating is just worse in general. People meet at trading card places and card shops because that’s just where people hang out, but that doesn’t exist anywhere else really besides bars.
People are becoming more isolated and more online, it’s way easier to see if you like someone (and you’ll be exposed to many people) if they happen to be in your vicinity rather than typing in text on a dating app.
it doesn’t mater, folks social skills have atrophied and their anxiety/depression levels have skyrocketed.
i do well on dating apps, but most women i meet have poor social skills and mental health problems, and refuse to address/acknowledge them. I’ve also seen this same thing in real life and it’s even worse with generation z. folks just no longer how to assert themselves or communicate. I ran a 3rd space for a decade almost, and basically quit because a few years after pandemic it became weirder and weirder and unstable and hostile folks kept coming and causing problems and blaming other folks for their rudeness.
you’re not going to be able to form healthy romantic relationships if you refuse to take care of your mental health and practice basic social graces.
I agree with you on this, 3rd places need to exist
Sometimes I wish Koi to Uso was real
That story makes me think of arranged marriage. Not a fan, but it did have it’s advantages, at least as long as the parents aren’t psycho or marry you off for political or monetary advantage or lands. More experience and more of an eye for the materialistic part of marriage and raising a family. Again not promoting this, there will be untold horror stories of ruined lives there, but I also think part of our modern mindset about romance is probably pathological on opposite ways.
In the past you were just expected to love your arranged partner - before the idea of “falling in love” became ubiquitous. Love was seen as a more active thing like a craftsmanship that you have to practice every day to get good at it. The feelings then just “grow” over time (see e.g. this book)
In any case any government interference should be based on well meaning and science based knowledge. Right now the government allows those who own the dating apps influence this essential part of human nature. That is not “non interference”, by not acting to protect people from predatory corporations the government causes harm. Obviously there should be socialist government policy for child rearing (healthcare, maternity leave, financial support, free high quality kindergarden and schools). A lot of stress in relationships can no doubt be traced back to financial stress or “materialist” problems.
is that what you tell yourself?
you really think a government dating app is going to help get you laid?
I think they think an app that isn’t being run by a corporation for profit would help them get laid. In theory the government could run and app for this purpose but I don’t think it would work well in practice at least not in the US.
Dumb women with low standards for our strong white trash base, make sure smart people never meet each other, and for the attractive minors who sign up lying about their ages… well, I’m sure you know they go to new Presidential sex dungeo… I mean… The “East Wing.”
the govt is more likely to have aligned incentives with you when it comes to finding a partner. imo this feels vaguely distopian (not that dating apps don’t)
I think it’s more that the entire business model of dating apps means they profit from people staying single and looking, not finding long term relationships.
but that’s not really how they work.
they have the same business model as most apps, as in all of it comes from a few dumbasses who spend $1000s out of desperation. the vast majority of their users spend nothing.
Hahaha!
You could have private ones but non-profit. Not sure the size of the minimum network effect though. Probably lower than for social media. Maybe we should add education courses on relationships too. And free therapy. It’s guberment all the way down!
Public ≠ the government.
Dating apps belong to a trash can. Hobby is the best place to find a partner. Go to a local meet up to play board games, hike, cycle, jam, improv, debate or whatever. The only way left in the modern world
Hobby is the best place to find a partner.
no it fucking isn’t. I can 100% guarantee the nerds reading this that your wife isn’t going to appear in the progressive metal moshpit, the netrunner tournament or the climbing center…
well I mean, that last one has a chance of happening, but don’t hit on women where they exercise for fuck sake. Also, Disregard females, acquire ascents.
I’m into ham radios. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve seen a woman?
I mean… I don’t think you’ve seen your ham radio buddies either.
Hah! You obviously have never heard of SSTV!
Maybe get into sausage?
Yeah… “Join a hobby group” is the the go-to answer for people who are devoid of ideas but still want to feel helpful.
Honestly, I think there’s something to be said for going back to “little old lady in the community who matches up young singles.”
Honestly, I think there’s something to be said for going back to “little old lady in the community who matches up young singles.”
Ah, the AI algorithm. Aged Intelligence. Or amo(u)r intelligence
A yenta? In this economy?!?!
Matchmaker matchmaker…
I dunno, I’ve met people through my hobby, including my current partner. It’s sporadic but eh. The internet is a cesspit.
Maybe there’s some geographical or cultural differences, but I can say for sure that hobbies is a perfectly normal place to meet women in my area of the US. I have dated plenty of people I’ve met through hobbies.
Also I think there’s a difference between picking up a woman at a gym vs picking them up at a running or biking meetup. I think just like with anything else, there are inappropriate ways to do it, but it’s not socially unacceptable from my understanding whereas gym pickups really are.
I think just like with anything else, there are inappropriate ways to do it, but it’s not socially unacceptable from my understanding whereas gym pickups really are.
yes. I agree with this nuance
I can say for sure that hobbies is a perfectly normal place to meet women in my area of the US. I have dated plenty of people I’ve met through hobbies.
the thing to help young men reading this realise isn’t that hobbies are unacceptable, it’s to be wary of going to male dominated spaces and expecting that to count as socialising that will lead you to finding a partner. The promise of feminism of equal gender participation in human affairs still has not been fulfilled.
Yeah I think it also must be said that you should befriend women in the hobby. I’ve seen guys who go into hobby spaces and befriend the guys and hit on the women and it doesn’t work out. But when you’re friends with the women you may find yourself connecting with one, or being set up by your friends.
hit on women where they exercise for fuck sake
Women can say fuck off to me for themselves
I don’t know almost every couple I know met because they were at something that they both were interested in. If all your hobbies include absolutely zero women, then maybe you should have a real long look at yourself And take a chance on some stuff that’s outside your comfort zone. There’s nothing of value that can be gained without challenge.
I met my soon to be wife on a dating app. You might think from that opening sentence that I’m about to extol the virtues of dating apps. I am not. They are garbage, so I agree the trash can is the best place.
This was during covid lockdowns, so no social opportunities, and I had recently moved to a new area and didn’t know anyone nearby. So seemed the only option, terrible as it is. And yeah it worked out for me, but that’s beating the odds. It was an unpleasant experience and was thrilled to be done with it. But, it might be a similar situation for others. No better option seemingly available.
That said, prior to that, I attended a lot of meetups via meetup.com and had a fair bit of luck dating through that. And regardless of if I met someone or not at any given thing, I had fun.
Depends where you live. In my current city there are almost no women going to those kinds of meetups and the city I grew up in is so dead there just aren’t any events like that.
Date men then
Walking, cycling and making jam are all things I do on my own tough
But together is fun
Yes, but if you are single who would you do it with
Find friends online? You don’t have to do it with your SO
If I found a girl in my garden I would assume she was fae and be most suspicious.
Flea markets, anyone? There are several big ones in my area, occurring regularly. I go several times a year and it’s always so much fun when I do. And it’s very easy to chat people up.
