I never really felt much of a connection with this guy, despite sticking it out for over a year with him. Hes very insistent that I take almost 3 hours out of my day to do in person visits and has threatened to charge me as a cancelation if I still demanded virtual, I haven’t felt the ability to be honest with him about larger issues than what I discuss, and frankly I would get nervous to talk to him before a lot of sessions. I had a therapist before that I connected with better, but that was 3 years ago almost and I had to stop when I lost my last job.
Im already in the process of getting back with my past therapist, who seemed much warmer to me. When I had to stop seeing her, i cried, whereas with this guy, I’m nervous he’ll try to talk me out of dropping him.
On the bus to go do it now, send me your good vibes pls
Just fucking drop the dude. I had a wet noodle of a therapist, told him I was taking a break, and never made an appointment again. I have a chill queer/trans therapist now and the sessions are much better.
Hes very insistent that I take almost 3 hours out of my day to do in person visits and has threatened to charge me as a cancelation if I still demanded virtual
This dude fucking sucks lmao
Yep, we’re done now though!
theres so many scummy therapists
It’s just easy for therapists to cash a check, and actually hard for them to get people to do proper work on themselves. I’ve definitely run into acquaintances where it’s become abundantly clear that whoever they’re seeing is just acting as a shoulder to cry on, and honestly when people first come in to see a therapist that’s generally what they need. The hard shit comes after they stabilize where they often need to do some hard introspection and that’s where these professionals can really fail (and I’m sure some do on purpose), or the person in question just ups and leaves therapy because they aren’t actually willing to do that.
Lotta respect for the good ones but pop psychology has got people thinking therapy is a lot better than it is and it’s given some pretty shitty people the tools to couch their shitty behavior in professional sounding language.
Edit:
Also wanted to make it clear I’m not siding with corgis therapist here, who has really gone in the other direction (I don’t think a therapist should talk to someone like that). Honestly just venting bc personal experiences both with therapy personally and in others
Yep, I can absolutely see how its an industry for people who want to manipulate others
I think my best one was my school therapist at college and I bet it’s because they were on retainer. I think they’re largely useless unless you’re lonely or need to practice social skills. Psychiatrists are a different matter medicine can help some people.
Fortunate enough to also be seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow, reckon it might be time for my meds to be changed. That’s irrelevant to what happened today tho with the therapist
To my friend corgi and anyone else seeing this. It is important, nay, critical, that you write off and disregard the opinions of the myriad assholes and shit-heels you will encounter in life.
This life is far, far too short to countenance the opinion of every self important POS who manages to accrue some kind of authority.
Don’t waste one single second of your precious existence and mental fortitude being worried about this loser therapist. Tell them calmly and professionally that you will not be continuing to retain their services, then leave. If they think their job at that point is to try and SELL YOU on their therapy then they’ve told you everything you need to know.
Wise words. Appreciate it!
The one you have now sounds awful. Hope you manage to dump him without any hassle!
It sucked and they said some really hurtful shit to me, but yeah we’re done now and I’m going back to someone I like better.
Glad to hear it. I find it so weird the way people on reddit kiss therapists’ arses and think therapy just magically fixes everything. Hexbear is the only place where people are realistic and accept that many therapists are worse than useless and that therapy isn’t a magic bullet for everything.
I’m nervous he’ll try to talk me out of dropping him.
you’re making the right choice, i hate dealing with people like this
You got this. Therapy is about what you need to live well, it’s not about your therapist. If they try and center
yourtheir needs (whoops, my bad) then that’s a big red flag and it’s your sign to run.You absolutely do not need to attend the full session. If they start trying some shit with you then you can—and should—call the session to a conclusion early. Boundaries are what we put in place to protect ourselves and you are allowed to protect yourself. You need a therapist that’s in your corner but more than that, you need yourself in your own corner. If the therapist interferes with you being in your own corner then it’s time to say “Okay, I think were done here. Thanks for your time. How much is today’s session going to be?”
(For reference I had a bad psychiatrist that didn’t listen to me when I kept going back saying that I couldn’t continue with the side effects of a medication and all they did was up the dose, tell me that the side effects mean that it’s working [yeah - it’s working in the wrong way and that’s what I was trying to tell you the whole time, dipshit], and after months of this I ended up in a psych ward. We had an appointment that I think they scheduled for me in the ward before they released me and so I went in for it and we had a very awkward session then I made an appointment for the next month in full knowledge that I wasn’t going to attend as a final “fuck you” because if you didn’t listen to me sounding the alarm month after month because you didn’t take me seriously then why would you take me seriously when I make an agreement to attend an appointment with you? Though I try to be less spiteful these days lol and a big part of that for me is by establishing healthy boundaries.)
It went fucking horribly! Dude wanted to have basically a full session long conversation analyzing why I wanted to leave, and used my life/relationship situation to insinuate I was a bad patient, and that he went out of his way to respond to that with patience. “You’re only here so you can keep your partner happy and have a roof over your head.” I’m obviously angry, but mostly just shocked that a professional would take a dig at me that way, especislly after 18ish months.
Also yall are getting a copy/paste response cause I wanna make sure everyone who wished me well saw my side of things, and im not thinking straight enough to give individual replies at the moment
Fuck that guy, obviously you made the correct choice dropping him if this was how he was going to react, total clown.
100% vindicated in my decision. Calming down now and playing some Mario about it.
I bet Mario would be a good therapist. He at least seems to have it really together himself.
Comrade Mario, please teach me how to triple jump over my problems
Just a matter of forward momentum, timing, and taking the leap enough times in a row.
Dr. Mario is not a real doctor
Good and rest well knowing you made the right choice.
Will do!
Hey, you did it and you got through it. That’s what matters. Fuck that guy, acting like it’s a bad thing to want to keep your partner happy and to have a secure place to live (??)
A half-decent therapist understands that people have all sorts of motivations for attending therapy and they’ll work with it regardless, it unless it risks direct harm to themselves or others (e.g. an abusive spouse wanting to get the therapist in on the gaslighting.)
Thanks for the update. Take your time to decompress. Sounds like today you discovered that your misgivings about this therapist were well-placed and that your judgement is more trustworthy and your ability to keep yourself safe is more reliable than you might have thought. Here’s to surviving a tough day!
Thanks comrade, appreciate it. It sucks having someone you spent over a year opening up to use your insecurities and fears against you. I did my best in the moment, didnt escalate my voice, and tried to be respectful. Overall its a net win cause 1) im officially done with this person, and 2) cause I went and had this whole talk in person, which is something I would normally shy away from.
Sounds like you did a fantastic job. It sucks that it went through that shit but you controlled the part that you could control, and you did exceptionally well. That’s all that matters.
I don’t want to diminish how much it must suck for you right now but you faced a nightmare scenario head-on and came out the other side intact. Yep, it was a big waste of time and money and, yep, a therapist should never act that way but you handled that shit and if there’s a silver lining it might be that if you feel anxious about opening up to a therapist in the future you can look at it from this perspective - what’s the worst that could happen? Because you’ve already been through it. It definitely sucks but you know now that it’s not gonna break you and, with a little luck and some distance from this shitty day, the fear of opening up to a therapist is gonna have much less of a hold on you.
Appreciate it, thanks. I’ll be going back to my old therapist, who I felt much more comfortable talking to. There’s more I can say comparatively between the two, but in summary, I feel like I’m going to a better spot. Additionally, I’ll be going back to someone who specializes in bipolar, where this guy did not.
Sending love
Much love to you too, comrade!
I would like add another “fuck that guy” to the mix. You deserve so much better.
Thank you
Any single issue you mentioned would be enough to get me to quit going, but the combination of it all is absolutely terrible.
This licensed person’s behavior sounds antithetical to treatment. It sounds like it’s just stalling progress if not outright going backward. I’m not sure if it’s criminal or not but at the very least it’s pretty fucked up. It’s manipulative behavior and I wonder if this man does this with other patients, and not just you.
You are absolutely right to say when.
Hugs.
It went fucking horribly! Dude wanted to have basically a full session long conversation analyzing why I wanted to leave, and used my life/relationship situation to insinuate I was a bad patient, and that he went out of his way to respond to that with patience. “You’re only here so you can keep your partner happy and have a roof over your head.” I’m obviously angry, but mostly just shocked that a professional would take a dig at me that way, especislly after 18ish months.
Also yall are getting a copy/paste response cause I wanna make sure everyone who wished me well saw my side of things, and im not thinking straight enough to give individual replies at the moment
That is shitty and manipulative. Ive had one session with a manipulative one too. In just that first session he felt he could tell me what i was feeling, what i wanted, why i was there… the guy barely knew me, and he was quite persuasive. Good thing i was thinking fast enough that day to see through the bullshit.
Glad to see youre getting out of there!
Appreciate it, thanks homie!
don’t sweat the reply. It’s a lot to go back and reply to everyone sometimes. I get it.
I hope you get the outcome you seek, and get back to talking with someone you feel comfortable with. I need therapy, but haven’t found someone I feel ok opening up to, so I know exactly how hard that shit is.
Thanks buddy, appreciate the kind words. Ultimately, im not longer his patient, but it was a much more confrontational talk than I expected. That in and of itself is confirmation that im moving in the right way.
And hell, even if going back to my old therapist doesn’t work out, at least I know better what does and doesn’t serve me well in a therapeutic environment
You are doing right for yourself. You had the understanding to see that despite whatever issues you are working on that this man was actively harmful. That itself is a good thing. Be proud of that.
Standing up for yourself is good. Being brave enough to do it when dealing with someone who uses another’s emotions and words as tools that can actively harm the person seeking help is extra good.
Appreciate the kind words, I’m proud of myself for having went and done it in person too, as shitty as the reaction I got was.
I hope it went well!
I have to beg my therapist to stay with me because I still have things I want to work on but since the waiting lists are currently longer than a year, therapists are very eager to move on quickly to treat as many people as possible.
It went fucking horribly! Dude wanted to have basically a full session long conversation analyzing why I wanted to leave, and used my life/relationship situation to insinuate I was a bad patient, and that he went out of his way to respond to that with patience. “You’re only here so you can keep your partner happy and have a roof over your head.” I’m obviously angry, but mostly just shocked that a professional would take a dig at me that way, especislly after 18ish months.
That’s awful. What a dick. And a horrible therapist.
Yeahhh, there might be a formal complaint lodged.
You should know that you have every right to see a different therapist or even ask them if they can refer you to another colleague, and professionally they should accept that. It won’t cause you any harm. It would be natural for them to ask why, and that might help inform their practice in the future- but they should be able to respect your boundaries. If you are frank with them without losing your cool or being insulting it should be fine. Although that is no guarantee they won’t be a jerk, but that is unprofessional and you can cite that if they push back too hard.
There might be a reason they insist on in-person appointments, I know for medical appointments it affects their billing to see patients virtually (often for both for medicare/medicaid and private insurance)
It went fucking horribly! Dude wanted to have basically a full session long conversation analyzing why I wanted to leave, and used my life/relationship situation to insinuate I was a bad patient, and that he went out of his way to respond to that with patience. “You’re only here so you can keep your partner happy and have a roof over your head.” I’m obviously angry, but mostly just shocked that a professional would take a dig at me that way, especislly after 18ish months.
Also yall are getting a copy/paste response cause I wanna make sure everyone who wished me well saw my side of things, and im not thinking straight enough to give individual replies at the moment
Comrade, I’m so sorry you had this horrible experience! As you’ve already mentioned, decision to drop them completely vindicated! Happy to hear you were able to connect again with a therapist that felt supportive. Ugh, again, sorry you had such an unpleasant experience with this clown.
Thank you, appreciate the support
DO it do it do it I regret not breaking it with my therapist please dont do what I did and stick it out any longer
It is done
It sounds like this change is for the best. You can do it
Sucks about how it went, hopefully this is the first step towards something better!
Going back to my old therapist, who was if nothing else, much warmer towards me in a good way. Hopefully we can just pick back up!
I wouldn’t be nervous, if you didn’t have muich of a connection it’s not even a break up it’s just a “i’m not paying you anymore good bye” moment
just channel the “if you don’t like it you can leave!” skeleton meme
Ohhhh it did not go well. Check my responses to a lot of other people, I copy/pasted a lot of updates, but the guy took some personal digs at me using my life and relationship situations against me and I am…well, yeah, im angry, but mostly just shocked that a professional would say shit like that to me.
Sounds like he’s really fucking bad at his job if he’s doing that. Good riddance
Yeah, happy to be never going back.
I’m sorry to hear that, it’s absurd how unprofessional some of these “professionals” can be.
guy sounds like a mad loser, I’m sorry that happened though
Appreciate it homie
