Comparison is the thief of joy.

I feel so much better when rather than looking at what others have and wishing i had it too, instead looking at what others lack and seeing if there’s anything I can do to help them attain it.

It helps me appreciate what I do have. There are people I love who want me around. It took so long to recognize, internalize, actually feel and experience that fact instead of just … knowing it in a distant academic sense like ‘sure yeah it stands to reason that this is true i guess but i have no proof’…

Until recently, i ‘knew’ that people cared about me and wanted me around the same way a person born blind can KNOW that the wavelength and frequency of the color Blue are 450 nanometers and about 666 terahertz (heh 🤘) respectively but not have an intrinsic experience of what it’s like to see it.

it’s nice actually being able to FEEL what i only previously just numbly heard about. and now all i truly want in the world, on the deepest level, beyond petty hedonic desires, is for more other people to know what it’s like to feel loved.

Comparison is the thief of joy

i mean, the japanese steakhouse my dad loved, they had most of the same staff from when they opened til when they closed 20 years later. we got to know the sushi chefs and everything, he was that regular.

We are slowly turning into Japan

I think I’m turning Japanese I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so…

I thought it was fake because pregnant women avoid Sushi usually.

I doubt it will be addressed correctly

Anything you want to talk about, my dms are open.

I also wonder what a correct approach would be. When I was young, I was very lonely. It took a long time for me to realize that I was the problem. Actually, now that I think about it, what would probably help a lot is therapy being broadly available to anyone. Talking to other people, especially trained professionals, and listening to their opinions is so incredibly helpful. Only spending time inside your own head or online is super toxic and nothing good ever comes from that.

I know he’s a right-wing nut job now but I found Jordan Peterson really helpful in my youth. “Clean up your room”, “dress like the person you went to be”, “happiness is fleeting, and suffering requires constant meaning”.

His old stuff was simple and straight forward, good lessons for a lost young man

This isn’t a complete solution, but joining groups for interaction is a start. Book clubs, game clubs, sports, movie clubs, whatever it is as long as it’s social and in person. Put up a flyer on community noticeboards for an activity you like, alternatively.

Volunteering can also help. Being part of a community, being seen and contributing can make all the difference to starting the process.

This isn’t a solution to depression or any mental health issue. It’s a possible way to begin creating connection though.

oh it is not getting addresses correctly.

there’re many grifters out there taking advantage of lonely men - they promise turning into a chad and getting laid… if you just buy this course of mine and oh btw its a subscription model website.

then there’s 4chan and the infinite sea of incels with their various pills pushing people further into feeling like victims oppressed by women (a nifty distraction from the real problem of society’s constant push towards individuality and capitalism’s constant battle to destroy public spaces) and giving up on even trying to get out of their homes. once you see yourself as an incel being pathetic becomes a personality trait, and internalising that can make getting out of that hole incredibly difficult.

women obviously are also affected but their bonds between each other seem stronger, maybe because they are allowed to hug each other without being called slurs.

so yeah, the problem is being address in all the wrong ways. even the talk of man specific societal issues is incredibly rare outside of the grifter spun narratives to get you to buy their courses or reinforce your feelings of being pathetic.

most people are focused on women’s rights - which yeah, they should - but i don’t think those two issues are disconnected. after all, the more lonely the men, the more it’s the “women’s fault”, the more hateful they are towards them, the worse both problems get.

now how do we get out of this pit?

Just recently I was imagining a dating site that doesn’t use personal profiles, just randomly matches people with compatible age and gender settings (weighted by proximity and how long they have waited for a match) and trying to think through how it might work.

There would have to be a penalty for rejecting a match before setting up a date or for cancelling on them, such as a delay before being able to request another match (and maybe double the delay each consecutive time)

Anyway this would eliminate the whole ‘5% of men get 90% of dates’ thing (whatever the real numbers are) - after requesting a match eventually everyone would get one. There would of course have to be a report system for actual problem people. And likely straight women would get dates much faster (more frequently) than straight men, but still more evenly distributed.

I think it got poked by the right in the '24 elections and its continually stoked by social media. I hear there’s even a Luddite movement on response to it.

This is of course a vast oversimplification of a complex interplay of factors, but here we are, looking down the barrel of a political movement that’s taking full advantage of our isolation.

I feel for the lonely. I remember being alone.

Can’t.

I spent my whole life being told to not be a creep, don’t just go up to women they don’t want random men approaching them, they’re at the club for a good time with friends, etc.

So that only leaves online dating and I’m not a 10/10 so never get a match.

I find it hard to find people though. I do my regular activity and hobbies and go about my life, I make friends but they’re mostly guys. I’m also not the type to ask every cute girl out. Idk, I still got one more year at school so maybe something will happen

yea but have you done the sex?

how did you meet?

I don’t know if you know this. but no one is promoting people to higher positions. at all. it could take decades to go from server to idk, shift manager? and often, it comes with no pay increase and less opportunities for tips. There is no forward progress labor has faced stagnate wages for decades. Also, the single most accurate metric to find out how you’ll be doing in life, is your parents zip code when you were born. so merit isn’t the thing that gets you moving along in life. in all likelihood the guy with the girlfriend, wife, kid, is making the same money his parents were making.

Life is a lot more than suffering. There is a joy in human connections. Friends, family, partners, and children.

It’s alright if partners and/or children aren’t for you (even family) but its weirder to be entirely unable to empathize with a desire for human connections and life goals (which vary).

Of course you dont empathize because you arent empathizing. YOU think its suffering, but if you empathize with the person do you think they think of it as suffering? Love is beautiful and raising kids can be very rewarding.